Aggressive obsessions involve the fear of intentionally harming or killing others.
These symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) involve the fear of harming or killing other people. In other cases, aggressive obsessions are directed at the self, such as when individuals experience unwanted, intrusive, and recurrent thoughts about hurting or killing themselves (suicide obsessions).
This post will focus on aggressive obsessions that involve the fear of harming or killing other people. Aggressive obsessions involving suicide and self-harm will be addressed in a subsequent post.
Fear of Harming or Killing Others
Aggressive obsessions often focus on violent, murderous (stabbing, shooting, choking, poisoning), or criminal (arson, bank robberies) acts and involve graphic mental images of blood, injury, and death. Individuals with violent obsessions may fear becoming serial killers or deliberately hurting someone they love. Aggressive obsessions affect individuals of all ages, including adults, adolescents, and children.
Common examples include:
- Fear of going on a murderous rampage, involving stabbing or cutting.
- Fear of grabbing a nearby policeman’s gun and shooting someone.
- Fear of choking your baby or partner to death.
- Fear of snapping your child or pet’s neck.
- Fear of pushing or throwing someone off a building or other high place.
- Fear of intentionally poisoning someone (e.g., putting rat poison into your loved one’s food).
- Fear of hitting, striking, or beating someone to death.
- Fear of pushing/throwing someone down the stairs (e.g., babies).
- Fear of walking up behind someone and slitting their throat.
- Fear of smothering your baby or partner while they are sleeping.
- Fear of drowning your child while swimming or giving him/her a bath (postpartum OCD).
- Fear of committing a bank robbery.
- Fear of committing arson.
- Fear of getting angry and shaking your child to death (perinatal OCD)
- Fear of side-swiping and killing a pedestrian or cyclist while you are driving.
- Fear of aggressively pushing your grocery cart into other shoppers who are in your way.
- When riding in the car as a passenger, fear of grabbing the steering wheel and causing an accident.
- Fear of putting your baby or pet into an oven, microwave, washing machine, or clothes dryer.
Similar to what occurs in the case of sexual obsessions, individuals with aggressive obsessions are often afraid of acting on unwanted impulses. However, sometimes violent obsessions are not associated with urges to act. In such cases, symptoms may consist of unwanted thoughts or vivid, disturbing mental images of violent behaviors. Individuals with these types of symptoms will often wonder why these unwanted thoughts keep occurring and may feel extreme guilt and horror over not being able to control their thoughts.
Some individuals have a very confusing form of OCD that causes them to be unsure about whether or not a thought actually represents a memory. These individuals may mistakenly believe that they have acted on their thoughts because their obsessions are vivid, detailed images that “feel” more like memories than thoughts. They may engage in a variety of checking compulsions to make sure that these “false memories” haven’t actually occurred.
Aggressive Obsessions & Compulsions/Rituals
As with all forms of OCD, violent/harm obsessions are reinforced through compulsive behaviors (rituals) and avoidance. Compulsions involving the fear of harming others include:
- Checking written items (forms, envelopes) to see if you accidentally wrote out your bad thoughts or to make sure that you haven’t written out a confession.
- Monitoring the news (TV, radio, internet) to make sure a violent crime hasn’t occurred nearby.
- Revisiting locations to make sure that nothing bad has happened.
- Trying to convince yourself that you would never act on your thoughts.
- Reviewing your past to see if you’re capable of murder.
- Asking other people for reassurance that you’re a good person.
- Mental rituals involving figuring out, undoing, resetting, or trying to clean your mental slate.
- Analyzing your thoughts to determine if they reflect the “real you.”
- Trying not to think unwanted thoughts.
- Holding onto handles, belt loops, or other surfaces to make sure that your hands don’t perform an unwanted act.
- Praying rituals designed to keep you from acting on an unwanted thought.
- Neutralizing unwanted thoughts or images by mentally flipping them upside down, replaying them backwards, or converting them into something “good.”
Aggressive Obsessions & Avoidance Behaviors
Avoidance behaviors involve limiting exposure to places, situations, people, or objects that might trigger your unwanted thoughts. Here are some avoidance behaviors that are common for individuals who are afraid of killing or harming other people.
- Removing all “weapons” from the house – sharp items, blunt objects, poisonous chemicals, ropes, guns, etc.
- Over-controlling your body (keeping overly rigid) when around others.
- Keeping your hands in your pockets or keeping them far away from other people.
- Delegating cooking or food preparation responsibilities to others.
- Avoidance of sex, intimacy, and other situations involving physical vulnerability.
- Avoidance of child-care responsibilities.
- Avoidance of being alone with children, pets, the elderly, or other vulnerable populations.
- Avoidance of television shows or newspaper stories featuring violent themes.
- Avoidance of the police and other security personnel.
- Avoidance of physical contact with others, especially the neck area (avoiding hugs, neck rubs).
- Avoidance of scary/horror movies.
- Avoidance of church and confession (alternatively, may have rituals involving compulsive prayer or confession).
- Avoiding knives, scissors, or razor blades.
How to Tell if You’re Secretly a Serial Killer
Many individuals with aggressive obsessions worry about losing control and acting on their unwanted thoughts. Many interpret their thoughts as proof that they are, in fact, secretly murderers or serial killers. However, in actuality, these thoughts are simply a consequence of OCD, a neurobiological condition. The occurrence of these thoughts is a stressful symptom of OCD, but it doesn’t reflect a defect of character or a predisposition to violence. In fact, as I discussed in my previous post, it more likely reflects the opposite.
The following questions can be a helpful litmus test for individuals with violent obsessions.
Do you enjoy the thoughts you’re experiencing? Are your violent thoughts pleasurable?
Many individuals with aggressive obsessions are extremely distressed when they have thoughts about harming or killing others. However, this “test” won’t work for everyone. Because OCD involves debilitating doubt and uncertainty, there are many of you out there who are now probably saying, “Well, then I definitely don’t have OCD. I’m worried that I actually like my thoughts and want to act on them.”
If that sounds like you, you might ask yourself a different question:
If you could, would you choose to have your violent thoughts occur MORE OFTEN?
Treatment of violent obsessions is based around developing a new relationship with these unwanted, intrusive thoughts and learning that these thoughts are not dangerous or predictive of the future.
Questions? Comments? Struggling with aggressive obsessions? Sound off below.
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Suicide Obsessions: Fear of Killing/Harming Yourself
Postpartum OCD – Fear of Harming Your Baby
Harm Obsessions & Violent Obsessions
I have some harm obsessions, though they are not at the top of the list of OCD symptoms. I have checked things I’ve written to make sure I didn’t write something inappropriate even though I had no desire to write anything appropriate. And I used to pray compulsively to be forgiven for thoughts I had of doing something wrong.
Medication and therapy have helped me in this area a great deal.
Your lists are very comprehensive and helpful!
My recent posts have been a bit list-centric…
Two more posts are on the horizon…both in the harm domain: fear of harming the self (suicide/self-harm obsessions) and postpartum OCD, which has a lot of harm/checking components.
It’s interesting to me how symptoms tend to cluster together. Many people I know have symptoms you’ve mentioned — worry about acting on unwanted impulses, scrupulosity, perfection & mistake-making, and hit-and-run worries. I guess the common element perhaps is related to heightened feelings of responsibility?
I would agree that it’s the sense of responsibility that i have. I feel responsible for the safety and well-being of the world sometimes!
I have had these thoughts for a while and it started about two years ago. I am scared to be around kids because i thought that I was going to hurt them without knowing it. My dad describes me to be an empathetic person. I am had thoughts of just losing my cool and people getting hurt in the process and it’s like I don’t have any control over those thoughts. As i began to read your lists I felt like this is me. I am terrified to hurt someone and It is hard to even picture doing so, but those terrible thoughts keep coming back and i keep worrying that it will be me one day.
Thank you so much, I feel like I can be put at ease.
Chloe
Unfortunately, as humans, we’re not really equipped to be able to control our thoughts. That’s truly the essence of OCD. Glad to hear that you’re getting on the right track with things.
I have been in cognitive behavioral therapy for OCD for a while now and through my experience I would tell you the common element between these clusters of symptoms is a low self worth. The ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) are eating away at all of us and the mother of all ANTs is you’re no damn good.
I have been plagued by this for the last few years. I am fed up with them. I’ve tried everything, even separating from my family. Upon return they came right back. I’m about to jump in front of an eighteen wheeler. This has been living hell for me.
Hello . I am only 12 years old and I’m just been freaking out over me thinking About hurting/killing people. I hate this feeling so bad and I feel so guilty I don’t wanna go through the day. I have two younger sisters and one brother on the way. I’m so scared that one day I’m just gonna snap and go into my baby sisters room and strangle her. And then one time I was camping and I was with my other younger sister and I was scared I was gonna strangle her to death. Also, having sexual thoughts that are distressing me really bad !!! I don’t like them ! I think one day I’m gonna act on them on somebody…. I think I’m a sick person and don’t even deserve to live. I always stay away from people as much as I can and don’t get near people or weapons . I always think to myself ” Am I gonna do it today ” I just want it gone ): I’m seeing a therapist right now and seeing if that will help me . But I don’t know If I have OCD?
Hi Vanessa,
Your description sounds exactly like the stories I hear every day in my office. And just like you, many of the people I see also struggle with, “What if this isn’t really OCD? What if I’m really just a bad person?”
Don’t despair. Remember, OCD is highly treatable if you’re working with a therapist who uses exposure and response prevention (ERP). Just stick with your therapy, work hard, and it will begin to pay off.
Wishing you the best in your recovery!
I first had violent thoughts of stabbing others/myself at the age of 12 (I am 27 now). Back then, I did not have the courage to talk about these to anyone as I was too embaressed and felt horrible for having these thoughts. To cope with them, I created for myself, a condition that I would never harm myself/ anyone in my whole life and abide by this no-matter-what. Whenever these thoughts popped up, I managed to throw them away by reminding myself of this condition I had set to myself. This worked well for me until about 2 years back. One day, the thought suddenly popped up and thats when I realised that the manner in which I tried to neutralise the thoughts was absurd and stupid. I was suddenly exposed to my worst fears without any coping mechanism. It was only a year back that I realised this is OCD and the condition I had set myself is actually a compulsion. Since then, I have been trying to ignore the thoughts (without supressing them) and lead my life as usual and there have been times when I have felt the problem gone for weeks. However, when I am feeling all good and thinking this is behind me, the same thought pops up again with a feeling that this is not over yet. I try my best to ignore the thoughts and move on, but sub consciously, the fear catches up and the anxiety builds, resulting in a feeling that I am not cured after all and depressing thoughts ensue (thoughts like is my life going to be like this always and is it even worthy leading such a life and will I ever be able to live happily etc.,?). I somehow make up my mind to ignore these depressing thoughts and move on and again after a few days, all is bright and sunny again until the same thought pops up and thigs start spiralling down. The cycle continues. Its especially hard to cope up with a reccurance when the fear and thoughts havent been there for a while. With each such cycle, my confidence is getting lower and I feel more and more hopeless in beating this problem and sometimes even resort to my old compulsion, which somehow doesnt work anymore as I have stopped believing in it. Of late, I have also developed avoidances of activities I used to once enjoy such as drinking coffee and alchohol intake (as I read that these provoke anxiety), which adds on to the hopelessness even more that this is taking control of my life.
Is my approach to recovery correct? Is there anything I can do to avoid getting sucked into despair when these thoughts strike suddenly or is it something that is expected?
Apologies for the really long post!
Hi Anand,
This is certainly not as good as it gets–it sounds like you’re still getting continually beaten down by your intrusive thoughts. Ultimately, the most helpful approach will likely be based around three things:
1) Non-avoidance of normal life activities – including coffee, alcohol (safely and in moderation), socializing, etc.
2) Liberal amounts of proactive, premeditated exposure. Note: the best defense against OCD is a strong offense.
3) Handling spontaneous intrusive thoughts in healthy (non-avoidant, non-neutralizing) ways.
Without all three of these components, you’re likely to get bogged down by OCD and depression.
Good luck!
Really appreciate your reply. What really bothers me is the fear that, no matter how hard I try, these thoughts will never stop bothering me. This is really hurting my determination. This feeling is especially reinforced when, after a period of less to no symptoms, the symptoms start again. To help my determination, I often read online to check whether I can indeed get over this, but I dont find any consistent answers. To be very frank, I sometimes even fear that I might be a treatment refractory case with no option but a brain surgery (which horrifies me) or a life with these bothering thoughts, which is depressing.
How long does it take to reach a stage where one can learn to accept their thoughts for what they are?
Also, can you give me a few ways of handling spontaneous intrusive thoughts in a non-avoidant, non-neutralising way? Thanks..
Any advice / ways to cope up with this defeating fear as I feel this is really standing in the way of progress. Thanks again for helping out !!
I would find a local support group, if you can. I think there are also several online moderated support groups that might help you connect with other people who have recovered and are working on maintaining their gains. The key to lasting recovery is implementing a relapse prevention program that includes proactive exposures (even when your symptoms are reduced). RE: your treatment refractory fears, this is common at this stage. However, it sounds like trying to predict the future is another type of avoidance. Work on beating your OCD today. Leave tomorrow for tomorrow. The more consistently you do this, the more quickly your symptoms will improve.
RE: strategies, it’s best to acknowledge the thought and not to resist it. Embrace coexistence. Once people are doing good, consistent ERP and they are feeling less anxious, they will often go after their thoughts more actively (e.g., magnifying them, etc.). However, for now, you should probably just strive for coexistence.
@Vanessa
Find a therapist or counseler you trust and who specializes in OCD and a type of therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Until then, remember that everyone has weird, distressing thoughts and that these thoughts have no meaning or reflection on your character (I can actually tell from your post that you are a caring person 
)
I’ve had OCD (particularly harm OCD) since I was 16, and your story sounds so much like what I was going through at first. I’m no doctor but I would definitely believe that you have OCD. The good news is that you are young and getting the appropriate treatment can greatly help in diminishing the anxiety you feel and the frequency of your distressing thoughts. I’m 20 now and I’ve had extended periods of time where I did not have any bouts of anxiety or scary thoughts
Thanks for sharing this, Jenna!
Hi! I am extremely tormented with ocd and have had tons of different.themes and EXTREME anxiety doubt and guilt. I recently just bought a puppy and had a horrific.intrusive thought about harming her by putting her in the oven. It was terrible I kept ruminating over it asking people if I was a bad person and everything that comes along with it!!! Then one day it wouldn’t stop so in a desperate attempt to make it stop I turned off the oven MADE SURE IT WAS OFF and set my dog in it.for a split second then took.her out. No harm was done to her I’m sure she just thinks I’m as crazy as I think I am.I just wanted the thought out of my head but u would.NEVER inflict harm.on.her or anyone to prove a point. I hate ocd its ruining my life and even though I know I’d never hurt her this scenario FREAKED me.out even more that I can’t control my own brain. I love my dog i can’t stand thinking that i am a threat to her . I’m on.meds but I need talk.therapy and ughhh its just terrible.
Hi Rita,
That sounds extremely distressing. ERP works well for aggressive thoughts, so you might want to start by finding an OCD specialist in your area to help guide you. Remember that everyone has bad thoughts sometimes…however, the way we deal with these thoughts ultimately determines if we have more (or less) of these thoughts. Although rituals can be hard to resist, they make the thoughts worse in the long run.
If you’re looking to go the self-help route, see my post on books related to OCD:
http://www.steveseay.com/ocd-books-websites/
Good luck!
Thank you!! I just hate feeling like Im a terrible person when I would never even hurt a fly
its seriously interfereing with my daily life and happiness. I’m definitely going to schedule an appointment with a therapist soon!
Good for you! Work hard in therapy, and it will pay off.
Hello
This article has made me feel good to know I am not the only one.
I have been struggeling with unwanted thoughts for a while. They seemed to be different topics. First it was I was scared of the end of the world. That was last year, and I recovered. Then this year it was me dying, then I was afraid of harming my self, and now I am afraid of harming others…I have cried so much out of frustration and am depressed. I feel like I am a danger to my dogs and family. Specifically my sister more than others.
Sometimes when they pop in my head I question my self and wonder if thjs js what I want.
I even think they wont stoo unless I act on it and that scares me, and frustrates me and has made me depressed.
I have never ever experienced this ever in my entire life.
I just wish there was an explanation.
My husband is deployed yet again and was 9 months out of the year last year. We are kind of newly weds so its been hard and frustrating.
My mother in law has told me these thoughts are “normal” with depression. Is this true?
Hi Patience,
Based on your description, this sounds much more like OCD than depression. Of course, many people with OCD also become severely depressed due to their symptoms. I would strongly suggest that you pursue treatment. I’m not sure if you’ve browsed this website much, but if you haven’t, I’ve talked about different aspects of these symptoms in other articles:
Mental Checking
Violent Obsessions
Fear of Killing Yourself
At this point, work on educating yourself about OCD and explore your treatment options. Both exposure and response prevention (ERP) and medication can be helpful.
Wishing you the best with this!
Hello
According to your descriptive I think I have OCD for 2-3 years now.. is it late??…Sometime I think about suicide as a solution so I don’t harm people I love… I m struggling with panic attacks too, are they linked ? Is there any hope to get rid of this for good, without the use of drugs ? I m really suffering. Now that I know that it’s a disorder, I can go forward and I talk about it to my physical therapist ..how to bring this to my doctor?? I live in France, we need to go to a physical therapist first ?maybe I’ll sound silly, but are they aware of this kind of thing (Im embarrassed, I don’t want to sound crazy)? Sorry for my english its only my fourth language.
thank you very much!! .this article is very helpful !!
Hi there . I am so happy to have found this site. I started having thoughts of stabbing my 3 year old while I was pregnant last September. I went months without telling anyone and going through exteme panic attacks and suffered very much as the thoughts terrified me- then the thoughts moved to anyone that I loved. Finally,after my third babe was born this winter I reached out and got help. Since then I learned about OCD and its many faces. I get ridiculous thoughts that upset me and urges that I will storm into the kitchen and grab a knife and hurt someone. Then I spend all day picking apart the thoughts and feel like Im trying to convince myself not to be a killer. Its soo unbelievable as I am acompassionate loving person. My latest obbsession hit me hard after reading a horrible article about a new Mother who stabbed her baby ” To keep her safe from evil” . I am now very upset and obsessiong over what if I think my baby is the devil and hurt her? Is this still OCD? I dont beilieve the thought, but it scares me that I might beileve it one day. I was starting to do alot better until I read that story…….
Hi guys, I read a story in the news that instantly mortified me. I am prone to anxiety and depression anyway. After this I have had the ultimate fear of harming or killing someone else and constantly do behavioural tests and play things in my mind. As soon as I come to the conclusion that I am indeed a good loving person I get a huge amount of relief and smile, and think thank god for that. Literally. I am deeply saddened that so many good people suffer with this. Even Vanessa who is so young. The most major thing that has helped me is CBT. (cognitive behavioural therapy) and this website! The mere fact that I am worried about the content of this OCD only means I am a good person, this takes so much energy to remember and is a constant battle. The anxiety and uncertainty is awful. I tend to awefulize a lot. This has ruined a huge amount of my life and I get scared a lot. I’m grateful for this website as its helped me a lot today. If I had it may way, I would be totally blissfully unaware of all of these negative things!!
Thank you for sharing, Amy. OCD can certainly wreak havoc in one’s life, and it tends to target whatever content will evoke the strongest fear response in the individual. For many people, harm obsessions can be the worst. Hang in there, and keep working on resisting your rituals.
Wishing you all the best…
Hi,
I’m hiding my real name for privacy reasons. Like Vanessa, I am a 12 year old kid who found this site from random Google-searching. (I probably don’t sound like one because I keep proofreading my posts for grammar problems- very OCD-ish! xD) I wish I knew less about the world around me… it’s probably all the things I learn/know about that causes me to think about this stuff…
Anyway, back on topic: I was never properly *diagnosed* with OCD (is that even possible?).
I don’t know how I started thinking about this whole thing- I’m scared that I won’t care about others, that I’ll become cold hearted and hurt my family… and people close to me…. I hate these thoughts. I’m pretty happy-go-lucky and everyone says I have a good personality, but I keep thinking “What if?” and it makes me panic a lot. I wish I wasn’t troubled with these thoughts, I wish I could be a kid… but i feel like I can’t…
One of the first steps in successfully fighting OCD is getting the right support system in place. You might start by talking with your parents and your doctors about your symptoms, so that you’re not fighting this battle by yourself. Parents don’t always have a good working knowledge about OCD, so it might be helpful to provide them with additional information/resources to fill in some of the gaps.
Wishing you the best with this!
Hi!
I’m surprised someone would reply :p
Thanks for the advice! I’m not sure if my parents should consult a therapist, I feel like I am overall normal and that it’s not a really serious condition…
Oh, and some other info about me: I also had HOCD (I was really scared that I might become gay) but I recovered from that by myself. I hope I can recover similarly from this…
It’s certainly true that not everybody needs to work with a therapist, but it’s good to know that there are resources out there if you need them.
Wishing you the best!
Hi. Well I’m really terrified about my thoughts sometimes I feel this thing about running out and get run over by a car.im also have two little girls and sometimes I have thoughts to stab them but I havent tried stab them.I dont know what to do with my thoughts I always cry because I feel scared and I feel very nervouse about all this I think to my self how can I have this kind of thoughts towards my two daughters and my husband what is this can any tell me what is this and if I can get help…… Please some one help me I feel very desperate:(.
I havent stab my daughters or try to stab them but i always have the thoughts Just have those thoughts why am I feeling like this I also feel angry and sad at the same time with my husband and just argue with him all the time over every thing and also feel like crying all the time what do u call all this will any body tell me what can I do.
Harm obsessions are very common, and ERP can be very effective for addressing symptoms like yours. Your doctor can also prescribe medication, which can be helpful.
Thank you for this post, as it relieves me from the stress of all these thoughts and intrusive, violent images that may come to my mind, especially regarding loved ones around me.
Also glad to know that it is a well known condition.
But there’s a question I would like to ask you :
I have heard of killers and murderers who thought of their actions before commiting them and I am wondering, what is the difference between their thoughts and the ones that people with OCD have ?
Would it be the fact that for them, the violent thought would be pleasuring? Or seen/Understood/viewed as a solution to a problem in particular?
I hope my question is clear, thank you very much sir
Dear Alexandre,
This sounds like a reassurance-seeking question to me. For these types of questions, there is no perfect answer. With reassurance seeking questions, the answer will be satisfying for a short time, but then the doubts will inevitably creep back. Even if you know why people generally commit murder, that information is not going to be fully satisfying to you, as there are always exceptions to any rule.
If you’re concerned about your thoughts, I would recommend that you meet with a psychologist who can assess your symptoms and help you determine if you have OCD. If it’s OCD, ERP can be a very effective treatment.
Wishing you the best!
Hi,
I’m 16 and recently I’ve noticed I can’t get thoughts out of my head. I know that these thoughts will never happen, and I’m not really worried that I’ll act on them. When they do happen (rarely ever), they are pretty scary. As in, stabbing someone, etc. But I cannot get the idea out of my head of possibly having OCD or an anxiety disorder. I’m pretty sure my dad and sister have OCD so I already know it’s possible that I could too. I can get the specifics of the intrusive thoughts out, but not the idea of having OCD. Should I ask my parents to take me to a therapist or am I just overreacting? I really appreciate any answers you could give me.
If you’re concerned about your thoughts, I always think it’s good to get a professional opinion. Additionally, there are many good self-help books about OCD that could be a good resource for you.
I apologize, as this will be long – i cant sleep and this may help to ease my mind-I’m 25 years old and have been a worrier as long as I can remember. Last year around this same time I went thru the most terrifying experiences in my life. I had always felt anxious – always had catastrophic thinking. I always worried about the health and well being of my family members, etc. but last fall after watching a scary movie (shutter island, in which a woman kills her children) I started having even more severe symptoms and started experiencing intrusive thoughts about my two dogs ( who I love more than anything they are like my two babies- and even thoughts about what if I lost it and hurt my husband. We had been recently married. This series of thoughts sent me into my first ever panic attack – heart pounding nausea insomnia other stomach issues, complete h**l for the next week I could not eat I felt as though I should die because of my awful thoughts. I have never had bad thoughts ever. Or suicidal ones. I avoided my puppies and didn’t want my husband to go to sleep until after i did because I thought he wasn’t safe.
Everyone said I was being ridiculous- I finally went to my doctor who instantly told me i was suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and probably ocd thoughts. I took medicine for anti depression for about one month and by February I felt like myself again. I always get a bit anxious when my menstrual cycle hits, but I had not dealt with the thoughts since then. It was almost as if hearing the doctor (and googling constantly about it) helped me to realize I wouldn’t act and that I wasn’t a sociopath or anything.
Well last week my anxiety had become pretty bad- not sleeping well and feeling gloomy because the weather has been pretty dreary. I am a director for students at a school, and Last week a student disclose to me that he has schizophrenia and has been off meds for 3 months- that he had thoughts and hears voices, etc. naturally, because I am constantly worried and think the worst – I convinced myself that because I had scary thoughts at one point that I must have something like that as well. Anyway, I started having the terrifying thoughts again- only this time I have myself wondering ” we’ll are they just thoughts or are they impulses??” Do I want to do it, can I do it?! If they are impulses they must not JUST be intrusive thoughts…etc. ” I have made myself sick again- I had another night panic attack and I just can’t even see a future with this. I would rather die then hurt anyone I love or my two pups. My husband says I’m just over reacting but the terror feels so real that I can’t shake it. I have been avoiding knives and even withdrawing from playing with my dogs because I’m scared I will act on a scary thought (or are they impulses!?) etc.
This fear is so debilitating and terrifyingly real- and I would love any advice from anyone who maybe has been thru it. I thought I made it out of this hell once and didn’t think I would be back here again
Obsessions (by definition) consist of unwanted thoughts, impulses, or images. The types of symptoms you’re describing are very common. Given the amount of distress your symptoms are causing, you might consider finding a therapist to guide you through ERP, which is the most effective type of treatment for harm-based obsessions. Many of the good OCD self-help books also have sections specific to aggressive obsessions, so you might also want to take advantage of those types of resources. Recovery from aggressive obsessions is based on actively facing your fears and eliminating any avoidance behaviors that perpetuate your OCD.
Hello. I have OCD and Avoidant Personality Disorder (as a result of my OCD and past bullying).
I experience a combination of Harm/Aggression and Sexual Obsessions, whereby my intrusive thoughts focus solely on sexual violence (cannibalism, rape, necrophilia, etc).
I am naturally a good person, so these thoughts stress me out very much. However, at least half the time when these intrusive thoughts disturb me, I also find pleasure in having these thoughts. My OCD digs out the past traumatic memories of my being physically and verbally abused for over 6 years in school during my childhood, and my sexually-violent obsessive/intrusive thoughts use these memories to tempt me into acting on my urges for the sake of “revenge”.
Because I was bullied very badly in the past, my OCD uses these memories of being bullied as a sort of “proof” that I need to act on my intrusive thoughts of sexual violence in order to avenge myself. I then begin to find pleasure in having these thoughts.
However, usually after I take a nap or go to sleep and wake up afterwards, these thoughts are gone, and I suddenly begin to feel very guilty and ashamed for taking pleasure in them. As well, I begin to do my mental and compulsive rituals to assure myself these thoughts are just manifestions of my OCD to deceive me/tempt me into sin.
But the problem is this- how do I know if I truly do want to act on this thoughts, when sometimes I even find pleasure in having these thoughts because my OCD feeds me these true memories of being bullied in the past and I get really angry and these intrusive thoughts flood my mind?
Also, when I was younger, as a child, I have acted on my unwanted thoughts on a few occasions because I was too young to realise I had OCD, and I truly believed my thoughts were my own thoughts and not my OCD thoughts. When I was 12, I had a very sudden intrusive thought of pushing an old lady in front of me on the escalator. I didn’t know I had OCD then, and I thought my mind was commanding me to push the old lady. So I gave in to that thought, believing it to be my own thought. I pushed the old lady and she fell down the escalator.
Now, I am very afraid. I read your article mentioning “If you have these thoughts but never acted on them, the possibility of acting on them is very low”, but what happens when I really did act on my thoughts in the past, long before I found out about OCD? If I had wanted on them before, and even now when I know I have OCD and yet take pleasure in some of my thoughts, will I be safe knowing I will not act on them again?
Please help! Thanks!
Hi Terence,
Life isn’t simple, and many real-life situations are far more complex than the generalities used in some of the blog posts. Your story is a good example of this concept. Recovery from OCD involves learning to live with doubt and uncertainty. For many, this extends even to uncertainty surrounding the diagnosis itself.
If you’re struggling with your symptoms, I would recommend finding a therapist to help guide you through ERP.
Wishing you the best with this!
As a new mother with harm OCD, I have learned for the most part how to dismiss these thoughts, however, they have a tricky way of sneaking up on me and wreaking havoc. For instance, I have a particular fear that when my baby cries, I will suddenly snap because that is how the people who inflict harm on their infants snap. So the scenario might go…my baby cries, I have an intrusive thought because I am actively trying not to. I then think, maybe since the baby is crying I actually want to do this. I then have an anxious thought that says if my baby keeps crying, I will surely snap. That causes more anxiety. THEN I have a depressive thought such as, well, I’m surely going to snap one day, so I might as well just snap right now and get it over with. This last thought causes me particular distress. I am still sitting here thinking…was there ever a chance that I could have just gone through with this? I really can’t find any data on this last thought process, so I am not sure if this is normal or not. Could I have possibly been so depressed and felt so doomed that I actually would’ve hurt my baby in an attempt to just “get the inevitable over with??” Any advice is so greatly appreciated.
-Suffering
Hello I am a 27 year old mother who has been havin the almost same thoughts as you and feeling those same questions of why don’t I do it and get it over with even though I never will. It’s terrifying if you ever want to talk please email me i would feel better to know another young mother feels like I do. I wonder sometimes if I am the one who will actually lose it it’s very scary.
Alyssa, don’t overlook the fact that these symptoms are treatable. Talk it over with your doctor.
I’m a 22 year old mother of two. I been dealing with intrusive thoughts of harming others for about a year ever since my first anxiety attack. It makes me feel like a horrible evil person. There’s not a day goes by where I don’t feel tremendous guilt. I fear of turning to a serial killer. What doesn’t help is all the news and movies/documentaries I have watched in the past is haunting me and feeding these thoughts even more. This is so distressing to a point I wanna take my life that way at least I know no one would he hurt. I feel like because of these thoughts im not worthy. I at times feel I don’t deserve life. I was never like this before although I could say I was always the type to worry but had never ever experienced thoughts like this. I am currently doing CBT for depression and anxiety and I’m on zoloft. I have so many fears, fears of being evil deep down inside, fear of being psycho, fear of having something rare, fear of having schizophrenia or other mental illnesses. I fear ending up insane and in a psych ward. Sometimes I think death is my only way out of this its just to much. PLZ HELP ME I FEEL SO LOST:,,,,(((
I have been having these thoughts for a few months now. I am 17 years old, and love my family more than anything. The thoughts really disturb me. Dr. Seay, is it normal that I am becoming paranoid that maybe part of me wants to hurt my family? I try to imagine myself doing it, hoping that I would hate it, but it is hard to picture this. I feel that I have made some improvements, but the thoughts still bother me. It feels as though if part of me indeed wants to hurt someone, it is hard to imagine myself as a fully safe person. I recently heard of the plot line of American Psycho, and it made me think “What if I become like that guy.” I know I am a good person, and these feelings actually started more recently (specifically after the Aurora shootings).
Please give me some feedback,
Thank you.
Dr Seay, i would like to ask you…is there any book you recommend that pays a lot of attention to ocd about the past? is really ocd when you fear you have harmed someone in the past….?
thank you very much in advance…i usually read about the fear that will harm someone(future)
Excellent posts, all of them, and very helpful, thank you for your great articles!
I’m a 17 year old girl. I’ve started having thoughts of killing my grandmother and cat. I live my grandmother and cat, but I keep getting this feeling that I want to end them. Idk why. My Grandma is the sweetest woman in the world, and my cat is like my best friend. I’ve gone over this over and over again in my mind. I think I’ve broken down. I feel like I actually want to kill them. Idk if this is who I really am, or if its just OCD. I know that if they were gone, I’d miss them terribly. I go to a therapist but I’ve never had the chance to bring this up because its very recent. I also take lexapro. I don’t know why I feel like I need to. I’ve never felt this way before and it’s starting to scare me. I have a feeling it’s not OCD. I feel like I’m not repulsed by it enough to actually have those thoughts as OCD. I wouldn’t enjoy doing it. I don’t really feel any emotion when I get these thoughts. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve talked to my grandma about it, and I think she’s kinda scared of me now, but I don’t blame her. I feel like I don’t want to change, because this is what makes me me. However, I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ve always hated hurting people, so I don’t really know why this started happening. Any advice?
Hello! I am a Romanian citizen, and I confronted this problem almost 2 years and a half ago. I went to a psychiatrist and for more than 2 years I took Zyprexa. I had this fear of not hurting the ones around me, eg. my parents,my friends…but, I have noticed throughout this period that I sometimes still have this fear.At the moment I live in Italy, and I intened to go back to Romania and I noticed that my fear tends to appear.
I really need a piece of advice! I feel that this fear is connected to my going back home, because in Italy it seemed not having it as long as I lived here.
It all began with a piece of news that I was listening on TV that scared me alot, it was about a woman who stabbed her boyfriend while he was asleep. Nothing happened to me during the afternoon, but when I went to sleep I began to tremble and a thought came to my mind: I began to fear about the fact that I could hurt someone close to me.From that moment, I coudn’t sleep anymore, I couldn’t eat. Do you consider I might need the help of a specialist again?
Best regards, Raluca-Ioana!
For the past six monthes, I have been having thoughts that I will kill my mom. I keep thinking, it would be so easy to grab a knife or when she’s sleeping it would be easy… And i dont want to hurt her… i dont think. but now i’m not sure about anything anymore. What if i want to hurt her? What if this isn’t just ocd? i’ve talked to her about it, and she doesn’t seem worried at all. What if i am a serial killer? What do i do?
Set up an appointment with a local therapist, who can diagnose you and provide treatment. Your mother would also benefit from attending portions of the session.
hello, I am a 19 year old mother to a beautiful 6 month old girl. I get these bad thoughts all the time. I hate hate hate having them. I think about hurting my baby when she acts up and I get mad so fast at things so small. I dont know how to control it. I just want to cry. I think about killing myself just to dave myself and other people from my thoughts. I dont have money nor insurance to seek help from a professional. i ask my self why cant I just be a normal person. I feel evil thinking these thoughts. please I need advice
I do this as well. They throw a fit and you picture hurting them. And even though you wouldn’t do it you feel like you have. I am sorry you are going through this but I am glad I am not alone.. I am sure you are a good mom don’t let this stop you
You’re right. Many parents with OCD have aggressive obsessions, and these symptoms can certainly take a toll on your self-image.
Try looking into free local OCD support groups or therapists who offer services on a sliding scale. You might also benefit from picking up a self-help book that discusses aggressive obsessions.
I’m a chronic OCD sufferer, have taken meds now for 13 years. My fears run the gamut.
Right now, I am dealing with the fear that I am pathologically isolated, that I dislike others to my core, or that I have undiagnosed Aspergers. It started with my not wanting to go to a Christmas party because the people I knew were going to be there are self-absorbed, shallow yuppies. All I wanted to do was go home and daydream about buying a new dream home. Now, my anxiety has gripped me to point of wanting to implode, to sleep endlessly. I’m not clinically depressed, I just want these horrid thoughts gone!
The goal for you is to identify and lean into your fear. It sounds like there are multiple layers — the avoidance of uncomfortable social situations (i.e., the party) and the fear of what your avoidance might mean. You would likely benefit from addressing both.
This doctor is right on the money. I guess misery loves company because now I feel better. I do have ocd. I check door locks all the time for example and have gone back to places to make sure things are intact. For example, if I think I lost money out of a pocket. I have had thoughts of losing control , like touching someone sexually, or going on a violent rampage. I have never committed a crime and I am very law abiding. I thought this article was well done and I guess that is where my id, ego and superego are working perfectly to keep me in check.
Thanks for reading, George.
hey im 17 and i have these constant thoughts that sneak up on me about killing those closest to me. i try to surpress these thoughts and the sometimes they make me sick i mean physically sick. when i begin to get stressed out theme y really start bombarding me and when i start feeling this why i think this is it this when i snap. i quickly get out of the situation and usually begin crying and feeling utterly ashamed and repulsed by these horrible thoughts. i really love people and animals especially i want to be vet and provide care not harm but im scared to reach out for therapy as it may be a detirrient (pardon the spelling) to colleges and clinics also im so embarassed and ashamed of the thoughts as well as afraid. and recently we had to put my dog of 6years down i had to make the decision to do it now i feel like i murdered my best friend and he was the one thing that helped my harmful intrusive thoughts. what do i do to help myself? do i need therapy? is this all normal? help please.
Garrett,
Sadly, this is a very common occurrence in OCD. I would recommend finding an OCD specialist to help you with this, as it can be difficult and confusing to do it alone. In the meantime, read one of the popular self-help books about OCD, as these may help you approach these thoughts in a more helpful way.
Don’t forget–these symptoms are treatable, and you can feel much, much better.
I wish I had this info 18 years ago when this compulsion was at it’s worse. I want others to know there is an end to this living hell. I could find no peace from constant thoughts that I might murder someone or that I had already done the crime. I recovered by firstly, simply telling my doctor. How lucky I was to have a doctor who was well informed and explained what was happening. Then, after addressing the real pain going on in my life which I was ignoring, the thoughts left me. I was 30 at the time and it saddens me to see people only 12 or 17 going through it. I’m so glad they can go online and see this kind of support.
However, I do still turn towards the darkest thoughts imaginable when I slip back into depression. I’m glad to say it’s never been as bad as those black days but I would like to know if this current habit is OCD;
I obsess about a man I was in love with but who did not feel the same about me. Every girlfriend he has I agonize over. The physical feeling is the same as I felt when I couldn’t fight the murder thoughts. My stomach is in knots. I don’t sleep. I get no peace from thoughts that torment me…what a failure I am. I go over and over the rejection and every now and again obsessively look at their online messages to check if they really are happy together and in love. I’m looking for reassurance but that doesn’t last long. I think I’m still in love with him but am I? Is it all blurred by obsessing over what I can’t control? I’m not even sure anymore. Just like when I had the murder thoughts, I have a moment’s peace shattered by some reminder of my agonizing feelings for his current love-life by odd tenuous links and then I get this anxious feeling of dread and the deepest depression imaginable.
My romantic and sensitive nature says I’m just heartbroken but my past experience and rationale tells me I’m unhealthily obsessing and reality is confused. I would like to know what to do to think of him in a happy, loving way and not with this mental anguish and physical gut churning pain. It’s like a prison I made for myself. Like his life affects my completely. What can I do to let it go? The Prozac is not enough!
Lily, it might be a combination of ROCD and depression. ROCD is essentially OCD that targets relationships, and it can certainly involve thoughts about past relationships as well as current relationships. Perhaps you could find a therapist specializing in OCD to determine if it’s really ROCD-related.
Wishing you the best with this!
If I don’t have these thoughts often, just every now and again is it still just OCD? I feel horrible when I do, and I just want to stop them immediatly, i have anxiety disorder, and Paranoia disorder. I have just started getting the thought like would i hurt my baby, because i am pregnant. I am so worried I will be one of those crazy moms who will drown her child. & I say to myself, You would never do that, then it turns into or would i. It messes with me badly, Im so scared
Lynne, this sounds very stressful. Talk it over with your therapist or doctor, who can give you guidance.
I have never been more relieved in my life as i was when i found this page. Ever since i was 8 years old (now 20) i have suffered from violent thoughts. The first time I had one I told my mom my stomach hurt and she asked if something was bothering me i said that i “felt like i might kill someone” obviously dumbfounded that her 8 year old said this she said i wasn’t allowed to stay home with my little brothers anymore. I went back to bed and i could hear here talking to my dad about it. I started shaking and freaking out that i was a crazy phycopath. After that i just kept it to myself. I couldn’t even look at knives or any sharp object because i would almost go into a complete panic attack. I would usually only have one month of thoughts then i would feel “normal” for the rest of the year. When i felt normal i wondered why even worried about that. Finally my first year of college it got really hard. I wanted to kill myself because i thought it would be better to die than hurt someone. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with depression/ anxiety but always thought it was something else. I find tons of comfort in the fact that i’m not the only one.
Sarah- you have described exactly how I would feel. I agree, it is such a relief to read others experience the same. Good luck with your healing.
Thanks for posting, Lily.
Wow, Sarah, that sounds incredibly difficult. You’re certainly not alone.
It would probably be helpful to learn more about how OCD works. You want to get to know your OCD better than it knows you. There are many good self-help books about OCD that can give you some of the tools you need to reduce your symptoms.
I am 22 I have this I do it all the time. I mainly think of my children getting hurt or I am the one doing it. It happen mainly when I try and to go to sleep. I call it having nightmares while I am awake. I would never hurt them but after I do this I feel so guilty like I am a bad mother. I don’t sleep very much because of it I feel like I am going insane.
Hi am 16 and terrified all hurt some I have suffered with this thoughts since 12 one day my little cousin was sleeping when I went over to him I thought what if I strangled him i started to cry I cried for weeks then the thoughts moved on to knife s I don’t even hold a knife in my hand now couple of days ago I went to my friend’s house he was watching a film about this guy who mmurderd then raped woman I was really scared that knight walking home all I could think about was what if i turned in to that person am my safe around my family and now I ask my self who’d I rape any one and even if i would bary them am so scared that I could hurt a child please somebody help me, I am the nicest person you could meet
If your symptoms are causing you to reach a point of hopelessness or desperation, it’s really important that you find a therapist to help guide you through the process of treatment. Ocfoundation.org has a good list of OCD treatment centers and specialists.
Wendy, you might consider getting a therapist to help you work on this. These symptoms are treatable.
Hi. All this information was very helpful . I have Harm OCD for 3 years. and I didn’t know what is happening to me . I was thinking that becoming crazy killer until yesterday. I found all this information about what is happening to my and now I feel much better. But I think I still need proper treatment, because I am still anxious about my thoughts. because I know I never hurt anyone. I just would like to know what is the best way start to cure my fear of killing OCD? And is it good if I manage by myself to stop these thoughts to come and scare me? Thanks.
It would probably be most helpful to work with an OCD specialist or read a self-help book on OCD to guide your approach.
Hi doctor.is it good that I stay with my family much us possible even if I have this harm OCD thoughts about them? I’m thinking it should be good because I start realize that these harmful thoughts start go away step by step. Is it good way to cure OCD? Thanks for your answer.
Have you been diagnosed? If not, I would recommend meeting with an OCD therapist to get some guidance on treatment strategies. In general, though, individuals with harm obsessions can benefit greatly from cutting down on their avoidance behaviors.
hi. Last week I went to mental helth clinic. And they said that it looks like I am having anxiety and some ocd symptoms. They gona send me to cbt specialist. But since I read your post I stoped avoiding these bad thoughts and my anxiety become milder. Is that ok? And witch self help book for ocd would you recomend. I realy want to cure my illnes 100% thanks.
It’s good that you’re handling these triggers better. If you find that you need additional help or if your recovery stalls, a professional might be very helpful. Re: books, check out my blog post about OCD self-help books via the “All Posts” link at the top of this page.
I am in need of help I experienced bad anxiety Almost 8 years ago I was 23 it started with a bad dream my mom fail and hurt herself and she got hurt real bad in my dream it really bothered me because I love my mom I jumped up out of the dream and my heart started beating fast I was short of breath and sweating real bad so went to hospital they told me it was just anxiety attack I didn’t know what that mean so I thought I was going crazy so I didn’t want to accept It that it was anxiety so I started ignoring it couldn’t face it I got married trying to be normal and ignore it so I became worst in my marriage cause I always stressed it got do bed I believe. I developed OCD cause I started checking the stove a million times at night I was always thinking the police was after me or some on was going to hurt me so I didn’t never pay it no mine. I was given medicine for my anxiety and I never took anything longer then a day cause I read about the side affects and freaked me out and I went to therapy twice and never finish cause I didn’t want people to think I was crazy I was ashame still is so a week ago I think I have bad OCD I start feeling like I want to hurt myself or hurt any random person obessive thoughts in my had i started reading online thinking i was so crazy person going to snap and hurt people I’m scared I need help
Ricardo, it sounds overwhelming and I suspect it’s time to get some professional help with this. Find a local therapist or doctor to help guide you through treatment.
I have Ocd and have been put on zoloft from pristiq. I feel like i am getting better BUT somtimes during the day (mostly evening) my head feels really full like i have a weird urge to do something, tense, anxious, i just cant put my finger on it. Could this be a side effect from the zoloft? I have been on it 3 .5 weeks and it started about 1 week ago. I feel fine until that feeling. Oh and I usually have a headache with all of the feelings.
Ashley, if you’re concerned about potential medication side effects, talk them over with your doctor.
I have OCD and have suffered from physical and mental abuse which has made me over protective. I have been on medication in the past, citrilopram 50mg but I came off the meds as I felt they were only making me feel nothing which I believe is worse. I can now feel and sense these urges and can deal with them in my own way. Everyday is a struggle and always will be. I have seen a chartered psychiatrist and he told me what I already new, I will always be the same, people have suggested cognitive therapy but I believe that if you see and feel how this world really is then its a dark place were monsters are everywhere and when I say monsters I mean paedophiles, child killers, rapists, politicians, ect. I have great relations with loved ones but everyone else I come across I fear if they do bad I could kill them if I had no self control, what if my self control dispersers. I don’t want to feel this way but have no choice,
I have these thoughts, and not just randomly killing someone. But long drawn out torture before I kill them. Watching the life slowly drain from them. Watching them beg me for death. I rather enjoy these thoughts and don’t care if they go away or not. I day dream of all the ways I could these things and the locations and how I could get away with it. I know its wrong to do things such as these, but worry I might do it anyhow. But when I think about what would happen if I did, I don’t see myself feeling sorry or remorseful. Where do I go from here? I’m 30 years old with social anxiety and have had these thoughts since childhood.
Hi, I developed anxiety/depression about 4 months ago when I had uti/epiditimitis in my nuts. I got medication for the uti and epidimitis but the symptoms of anxiety over powered me. I had a constant pounding in my body, felt like my heart was pop out of my chest. Also had pounding in my head and I had tingling in my arms and feet. I was given lexapro from my doctor. I was scared of taking the medication bc of the serious side effects, especially the side effect of the sucidal thoughts or actions. I did have kne instance where i thouhht oh mahbe i suould kill myself and i got real scared and had to call my mom to help calm me down, but this was before i was prescribed the medication.About 3 weeks into taking the medication I developed the unwanted/ intrusive thoughts. I thought bout hurting my family. If I would go to a store I would think bout robbing it. It would be a constant battle in my head like kill yourself or kill them and it would be a response of no or ok but when I did say ok I would t act on it I would just ignore it. After taking lexapro for a month I’ve switched to cymbalta 30 and it seem to help me out for bout 2 weeks then all of a sudden I got real depressed and the thoughts have been somewhat overwhelming. I live everyday battling these thoughts, wondering how I go each day without acting on them. I do still feel the pounding in the body and the weird sensations in my back and parts of my body. I have seen a pyschatrist and she diagnosed me as depression, unwanted/intrusive thoughts and OCD. She recommend I go up on my dosage of cymbalta and take two other medication which I forgot the name of but one would be a antipsychotic. But I told her I just wanted to c how I would do on taking the cymbalta 30. I did call a therapist and met with her and she showed me some techniques on how to control my anxiety with breathing techniques. What I’m really gettin at is I’m just looking for answer on what to do bc I don’t wanna take the medicine that the psychiatrist recommended bc of the side effects and the relapses that could occur after stopping the meds.
it started with the thought of killing my husband and then different ways started of killing my husband…I felt sick! I don’t want to ever hurt or kill my husband! I became very ill-couldn’t even function on a day-to-day basis. I tried commiting suicide-although in my mind I didnt really want to do that either but rather me then my husband! long-story-short U was imaptient for a few weeks…I went back home with medicine…a week later my thoughts were worseand were now even towards my mother! I couldn’t deal with it so went to another impatient where they changed the medicines…a month and a half there! I felt no better than when I started! Thankfully though they allowed outpatient care-I stayed with my family and my thoughts sarted to even go towards them….they hid all the knives (which was the start of my fear) but then I started thinking of broken glass, sharp objects-how sick right!!!!???? I asked them to start locking their doors and I too would lock the doors-scared that I might kill or hurt them! I would have days where my inside would torment me-I would cry myself to sleep holding my Bible etc….I recentley came home and some days are goodbut days like today where I feel like I am ten steps further back from when I started! I found out today my thereapy I just started isnt covered and I feel so overwhelmed! I don’t know who to talk to -my family is loving and wonderful but they don’t know how to help-I have been struggling with this for several months now and can’t seem to gain victory! I take two types of medicines:seraquel-100mg at night and fluoxitine 40mg in mornings- I am even scared the medicine will have an affect on actions during night. I can’t seem to win! I believe in Jesus-and I believe I am not only struggling with some kind of imbalance but also with a spiritual warfare….I connect with Job from the BIble ya know!? I realize everyone has a story to tell-everyone faces these crazy hard times-I just wish these horrible thoughts and feelings would go away! That or that God would allow me to go to heaven where everything is perfect and beautiful! No more tears, no more pain, no more sufferings! Needless to say my faith is strugglin but I am leaning on His promises to get me through day to day!
i am jobless for 6 years cause of depression and many other reason. i understood that the more free time we have, the more we think about negative things.year by year it is quite difficult to concentrate on good things.situation went worst and 3 months before i started to think about that the most awful thoughts i ever had.same to these people.it seems i really dont love my family.if i love my family that kind of thougths would never come to mind.people say that i am a soft-hearted and good lady(age,27).but they dont know i am person even thought about that bad things. i am pitiful to my family.i just want to die.i am afraid of what if law of attraction works. i am jealous and proud of people who never thought that bad thoughts until death. i am melancholic type person.i thought that i am the only one who thought those thoughts in the world and wanted to die. but now i am bit ease knowing that there is this kind of symptom.i always thought of true love and happiness family 3 months before. but now i am afraid of marriage cause of my illness mentality.
my family members are warm-hearted people.the more they are kind to me, the more the thoughts flash through my minds and make me suffer. wish i was born a sheep which has no thoughts.
Many people with unwanted thoughts feel hopeless at times. Remember that OCD is treatable. If you continue to feel stuck, you might benefit from working with an OCD specialist to help you address your symptoms.
every day 60000 thoughts(minutes) flash through mind.you have to do your best not to think about bad thoughts.just please do your best.you can.try to concentrate on great peaceful things not allowing that bad thoughts flash through your mind. if it is difficult, say ”i love my family. i want to live with them peacefully and happily for so long.i am the one who has to make them happy not suffer” many times as you can. there is a saying: if you say a word many times, the word makes it into reality. so if you find it difficult ged rid of bad thoughts just say the opposite for many times. i truly trust you all can be treated.best wishes.
I have been suffering these thoughts on and off for around 2 months. I feel awful when i get them. The first time I got my intrusive thoughts it actually made me sick to my stomach and i threw up. I have read the book brain lock and it helps me even though i haven’t been diagnosed with OCD. I try and not give these thoughts power and ignore them, but then when i do that I fear of not caring enough. So annoying. Have you ever heard of that problem. Someone trying to let the thoughts be there and realize them as OCD but feel gulity about getting upset about them.
Hi, i’ve had these thoughts and compulsions for years, aslong as i remember to be honest. I’m now 28 and last night getting a lift over the road i sat in the back.It was a 5 minute drive and i strangled in my head my father with a cheese cutter and then stabbed my mum in the neck a few times and watched her bleed out. I had no regret or emotion about this. I think mentally i have killed over 2000 people and sometimes 20 in a day and i don’t have any remorse. Is this bad? To be honest i actually feel like i would like to see how it feels to watch the life drain from someones eyes. I know that sounds bad but its the only way of finding out if your urges are something you would like to do or if they are something i should try to block out for good.
I crave the suffering of others. I know better then to go through with any of the thoughts i have but they are relentless. Its like my brain and ‘heart’ are covered in a bubbling black tar like hatred at times and i want to cause immense suffering to a widespread majority of people. I refuse to see a doctor in person seeing as how I can not help but feel this way about those in the medical field and frankly, refuse to pay the outrageous fees included with only a Chance of successful aid. I inquire only about a remedy not involving having to visit a doctor in person, or involving any god. I dont need to add talking to an imaginary friend to my list of ailments. Cannabis allows a brief time of relief, as it assists in reassuring myself that it is not rational, logical or in any way morally correct to desire causing pain to others. So far, no one has been able to provide me any solutions aside from the seemingly programmed response of ‘Go to a doctor’ I would be grateful for any advice. Thank you all
Hi I am 12 years old and I love to hang out with my 5 year old cousin. We like to play games and stuff. We like to also wrestle. I like to make him win against me but I get kinda mad and start to go overboard and start getting rough. I start to choke or punch him to hard. He dosent cry but it looks like it really hurts him. After the incident I feel really guilty about it. I am worried that I might actually kill him. We both love each other very much.
it started for me around the age of about 12 too when out of no where i started getting thoughts of harming my family or myself it got so bad i used to throw up from being nervous and i ended up taking melatonin every night to make me fall asleep so i wouldn’t have to worry about them it went away for a while but I’m pregnant now and i got sick one night and all of a sudden the thoughts came back and i started worrying about hurting my unborn baby this scares me especially since my baby is due in a few weeks i have no idea what i should do you have any suggestions
I had horrifying thought starting as a child. One time I felt like I was going to jump out a window. Another was that I would hurt my brother at Christmas while everyone was having a good time. They laid dormant until I was about 18 and I started to have these horrible thoughts about hurting my boyfriend at the time. I was in the hospital for a week at the time. That was 24 years ago. I had thoughts here and there and sometimes panicked about my health too. I lead a pretty health life style and lift weights and had felt pretty strong for a while. Not perfect but was able to put bad thoughts out of my head. My bad thoughts are not attached to anger. I now feel uncomfortable around my 16 year old. Like I am going to do something bad to her. She is everything to me. I don’t know how this turned into me being so worried about her safety to thinking I am going to be responsible for doing something to her. I went to my Md. and they put me on Zoloft. I am really not good with medications so I am not sure if this will make me worse or not. I am glad that I am not the only one in this world with this condition. I thought it was just panic attacks. I see now its OCD. I don’t want to live like this. I woke up with such horrible anxiety and just cant eat much. I almost went to the hospital. I still may but my husband doesn’t understand and will be broken if I do that. I am looking for a psychiatrist but my coverage for mental health is terrible. I am going to keep seeking out help. My sleep is suffering, my appetite and my life and my relationship with my daughter.
Dr. Seay,
Reading your post has put me literally in tears! I am a 33 year old woman who has been dealing with anxiety and depression my whole life, which has went untreated. I was molested as a child and I remember the act but remember little else from my childhood. My father told me when I was 6-7 he would have to watch me all the time cause I was so depressed that he thought I would hurt myself. He said that he had to stop watching the news because every bad thing on the news I would blame on myself. I was a semi happy child as far as being loving and caring about those close to me. I got pregnant at 16 and after my son was born I had watched the news and stories of children being molested would make me think of myself doing that to my child. I was mortified to the point where I wasn’t even comfortable changing his diaper and didn’t want to be close to him. I felt like a sick pervert and literally just wanted to die. That passed. I know I would never ever hurt my children. Idk why but I have always been extremely sensitive. Too sensitive! If I see news of children, animals, elderly being harmed it literally makes me sick. I get so angry where I feel like I literally want to harm the culprit. I am not a patient person, but I have never abused my children and honestly I get upset (too upset) when someone else disciplines them. When I was younger I use to have OCD tendencies having to wash my hands a set number of times, checking locks on doors a set number of times, and I have always had OCD about checking on my children before I can go to sleep even my 16 year old, to where I can’t fall asleep until I do it. I now have tendencies also with checking my alarm clock. Recently I have been having thoughts about breaking my daughters neck. When they first started I tried to remember that after I had my son and had those thoughts that it was something I never acted on. When I have these thoughts it’s just the act that I see nothing before or after. I know I would never hurt my children but when I have these thoughts it’s almost like I say to myself , how do you know you would never act on them if you are such a sick fuck to be having thoughts (excuse my language). Idk I feel like I am crazy. I seem to have these thoughts more so when I lay down to sleep and its like I’m afraid that I am going to have them so I try to psych myself into not having them which just causes me to have them. It gives me anxiety to the point where I get palpitations and my heart races. I feel like I don’t deserve to have my children. I have never felt at peace in my mind and I am so tired of not feeling normal. The tears from reading your post were tears of relief, giving me hope that I am not so crazy and that I am not a horrible mother.
I also have an extreme amount of anxiety about my health. I am a nurse and am hypersensitive about what I feel. Prob a lot psychosomatic stuff
Ive been having these disturbing thoughts for 2 years now. It all started right after I had my daughter. I thought it was PPD. It just continued and got worst. I can’t be around any sharp objects. I’m terrified of cooking dinner I need help I do not know what to do is there any advice anyone could give me