Mental contamination, the fear of absorbing other peoples’ unwanted characteristics, is a wide-ranging but less commonly known form of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
In a recent post, I explored the topic of mental contamination in OCD (also called emotional contamination), a form of OCD that focuses on the possibility of “absorbing” someone else’s traits, values, or perceived moral defects. OCD makes you fearful that it’s possible to lose your identity and “turn into someone else” through mere contact. It whispers, “What if simply being around this person changes who you are?”
This fear resonated with a lot of you. Many of you wrote in with personal stories and anecdotes illustrating examples of mental contamination popping up in classrooms, relationships, art, identity, and everyday choices. Mental contamination isn’t just an abstract concept; it shows up in real-life.
What follows is a series of anonymized letters from readers (used with their permission, of course!), each struggling with a unique manifestation of mental contamination. After each letter, I’ve included a brief response about how Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), the gold standard for OCD treatment, can be used to help loosen OCD’s grip. Emotional contamination doesn’t have to pervade your life; specialized OCD treatment can help.
Letter #1: The Fear of Cannibalism
Dear Steve,
This is so hard to write, even knowing it’s anonymous. I’m terrified that I’m going to turn into a cannibal. It all kicked off after we read Lord of the Flies in English class. As we were discussing it, my brain started going down this path of how the characters might have survived better if they’d… you know. Resorted to eating each other. I know it’s messed up, but at the time, it just made a horrible kind of “logical” sense to me (and tbh, part of me still gets stuck on that “logic,” which freaks me out even more).
Then, I started watching Yellowjackets, and boom, same thoughts. If I were stranded like that, I’d want to survive no matter what, right? And the cannibalism idea just popped in again. I tried to reassure myself by thinking, “I’d only do it if there was absolutely no other food, and I definitely wouldn’t kill anyone; I’d just eat people who died from other causes.” But then my OCD threw in a curveball: “What if you liked the taste of human flesh? Would you crave it forever? Will you ever stop thinking about this stuff?”
Now, it’s like my brain has a horrible new filter. I’m constantly visualizing people as food. I’ll be in class or on the bus, and my mind will just whisper that the person next to me would be “tasty” or I get an urge to “take a bite.” The other day, I was sitting next to this girl who I think is cute, and my stomach growled, and my immediate thought was, “Oh my gosh, what if I want to eat her?” I don’t actually believe that’s true, deep down I know it’s not what I want, but the thoughts are so intrusive and feel so real that I’m completely losing it.
My compulsions are a mix of things. I’m constantly trying to “cancel out” these horrific thoughts with “good” or “normal” ones. I’ve started praying a lot, even though I wouldn’t really call myself religious. I’m also always analyzing my own thoughts and feelings, constantly on alert for any “sign” that I’m actually becoming a cannibal.
My avoidance is now huge. I’ve always loved movies and shows, but I’ve completely stopped streaming video, because I associate Yellowjackets with streaming. I actively avoid the stomach growl girl, which is really hard because we’re in class together. I even avoid looking at my soccer uniform, because it makes me think about the soccer team on Yellowjackets. I’m actually thinking about not joining the team next year, because I can’t stomach the idea of putting the uniform on again (lol, no pun intended). I also find myself avoiding people who are overweight, which I feel awful about, but my OCD twists it into something unsavory. The biggest change is that I’ve recently gone vegan, mostly because I’m terrified that if I enjoy eating any kind of animal flesh, it’ll just confirm I’m on my way to you-know-what.
My Thoughts for Fearful Feaster:
Dear Fearful Feaster,
Convincing good people that they’re “secretly evil” is one of OCD’s most common and diabolical tactics. Your story is a textbook example of mental contamination. True to form, OCD artfully sows seeds of doubt, creating nearly irresistible (compulsive!) urges to eliminate it.
Paradoxically, the fact that you’re horrified by these thoughts is the very reason they’re able to stick. OCD doesn’t latch onto what we don’t care about. It targets the things that matter most: your identity, your values, your fear of harming others. Your avoidance (media, food, people) and mental rituals (canceling thoughts, prayer, self-monitoring) are attempts to feel safe. Ironically, they keep you stuck.
ERP doesn’t try to “fix” these thoughts. Instead, it asks you to stop fixing altogether. You’ll gradually face triggers (maybe revisiting that show or reading about survival situations) without neutralizing them. You’ll learn to let your brain whisper its bizarre what-ifs and not answer back. The goal isn’t certainty. It’s freedom despite uncertainty.
Your thoughts are not actions. They’re not moral statements. They’re noise. And with practice, you’ll learn how to hear them without letting them drown you.
Letter #2: The Hitler Contamination Fear
Dear Steve,
This is going to sound extreme, but my OCD is fixated on Hitler. Yes, that Hitler. If I see a documentary about WWII, or even hear his name, I get this wave of terror that I’m somehow going to become like him – hateful, genocidal.
My obsession is that if I learn “too much” about him, or if I accidentally think a thought that feels remotely “authoritarian” or “intolerant” (even if it’s just a fleeting, random thought about something totally unrelated), it means I’m on a slippery slope to becoming like him. I worry that his “evil essence” is somehow out there and can be absorbed.
Due to my fears, I compulsively avoid anything related to WWII or the Holocaust, which is bad because it’s important history. If I do encounter something, I’ll try to flood my mind with thoughts of love and acceptance, or I’ll go out of my way to be extra kind to someone to “prove” I’m not like him. I also avoid people who I think are “too political” or have strong, dogmatic opinions, fearing their certainty will somehow make me more rigid and Hitler-like.
My Thoughts for History’s Hostage:
Dear History’s Hostage,
You’re not afraid of becoming a dictator. You’re afraid of losing your sense of moral grounding…of becoming someone who violates your deepest values. That’s exactly why this is OCD, not some latent dark urge. Harm OCD can be tricky in that way.
OCD thrives on symbols, and it doesn’t get more symbolically “contaminating” than Hitler. The fear here isn’t logical—it’s emotional. Your brain is trying to keep you safe by avoiding ideas, people, and even thoughts that feel morally radioactive. Unfortunately, OCD isn’t very good at nuance. So it creates a false association: learn about evil, become evil.
ERP, in this case, involves bravely facing feared situations and radically taking risks that OCD says you shouldn’t take. By facing these situations head-on, you’ll ultimately reinforce the (healthier) belief that morally charged material doesn’t have to be taken personally. In practice, this could mean watching a documentary or even just tolerating the discomfort of hearing Hitler’s name without doing rituals (like overcorrecting with kindness or avoiding).
You may not feel comfortable doing it—but doing it anyway (without the compulsion) will help you depersonalize what feels intensely personal. One of the main principles of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is that behavior informs our beliefs. Healthier behaviors drive healthier attitudes. Every time you avoid or decontaminate, you reinforce your perception that the association is both true and meaningful. Every time you do exposure (with response prevention), you become more de-fused from that belief.
Let the thought, “What if I become like him?” hang in the air. You don’t need to answer it; you need to let it be.
Letter #3: Losing Artistic Identity
Hey Dr. Seay,
I’m a musician, and my creativity, especially my ability to write songs, is everything to me. Lately, I’ve been crippled by this fear that I’m going to lose it. It usually gets triggered if I hear another musician whose music is very stylistically different than mine, or if I hear someone play who’s kind of mid.
My obsession is that their “vibe” – whether it’s a style I don’t want to emulate or a perceived lack of skill – will somehow infect my own musical abilities. If I listen too much to an artist whose style I don’t want, I worry my own unique sound will get diluted or corrupted. If I hear someone who struggles, I fear I’ll become like them.
My compulsions involve avoiding certain artists or genres, even if I secretly like them or am curious. If I do listen and get triggered, I might frantically try to write a song in my own style to “prove” I still have it. I also get superstitious – like if I have a bad songwriting day after hearing a certain artist, I’ll avoid their music for weeks. I’ve also stopped going to open mic nights because of the fear of “catching” someone else’s lack of talent.
My Thoughts for Blocked Bard:
Hey Blocked Bard,
OCD has made you believe that your creative identity is delicate, fragile, and (even) corruptible. Hear the wrong sound, and you’ll lose your artistic voice.
Here’s the truth: identity isn’t static. It evolves. Creativity isn’t a glass sculpture; it’s a muscle. It grows through use, friction, and yes, even through exposure to things you don’t like.
ERP here would mean doing the very thing you fear: listening to the music that triggers you without immediately compensating. No writing a counter-song. No rehearsing your “real” sound. Just sitting with the fear that something might have changed — and not doing anything about it. If there’s an artist you feel is iconically awful, put on their playlist and turn up the volume.
Let your brain scream. Let the fear exist. And build confidence that your voice is strong enough to withstand the noise.
Letter #4: The “Dave” Effect
Hi Steve,
This is weird. There’s this guy in my history class, let’s call him “Dave.” Dave isn’t a bad guy, but he’s kind of a slob, a bit socially awkward, and honestly, not the brightest bulb. My OCD has decided that I’m terrified of becoming like Dave.
The obsession hits if I have to sit near him, or if we accidentally touch (like brushing arms), or if he says something I think is particularly clueless. I get this internal scream of “NO! Don’t let his Dave-ness get on you!” I picture his perceived negative qualities – his disorganization, his awkwardness – transferring to me.
My compulsions are all about avoidance and “decontamination.” I try to get to class early to pick a seat far away from him. If he talks to me, I keep it super brief. If I think I’ve been “contaminated” by him (e.g., like if he borrowed my pen), I might wipe the pen down obsessively, or even avoid using it. My handwashing is getting totally out of control too. I also find myself mentally reviewing my own actions and thoughts, checking to make sure I’m not acting or thinking in a “Dave-like” way. I’ve even considered dropping the class, which is nuts because I need the credit.
My Thoughts for Anti-Dave:
Hi Anti-Dave,
Your letter perfectly captures the absurd precision with which OCD operates. “Dave-ness” represents an alternative self (i.e., a personalized cocktail of all the traits you’ve decided are undesirable). Your brain has drawn a crude boundary: if you come near him, you’ll become like him.
But that’s not how personality works. It’s not contagious like the flu. You can’t “catch” awkwardness, mediocrity, or messiness by sharing a pen or seat.
ERP here means leaning into the risk. Sit closer. Use the pen. Let him talk to you. And when that voice screams, “What if you become him?”—do nothing. No scanning. No self-checking. No avoidance. Just let the possibility hang there, unproven, unchallenged. You can’t prove what will happen ahead of time; nevertheless, take the risk anyway.
You’re not protecting your identity by avoiding him. You’re letting OCD define your experience, and you’re losing yourself in the process.
Letter #5: Fear of Turning Gay
Dear Steve,
I’m a straight guy, always have been, only ever been attracted to women. But lately, I’ve been having these intense, intrusive thoughts that I might actually be gay, or that I’m going to become gay. It’s not that I have anything against gay people at all – it’s just that it doesn’t feel like me, and the thought of my identity changing in such a fundamental way is terrifying.
The obsessions usually pop up if I see an attractive man, or if I hear about someone coming out, or even if I just feel a sense of camaraderie or platonic affection for another guy. My brain twists it into “proof” that I’m secretly gay or turning gay. I also worry that if I listen to music by gay artists, watch TV shows or movies with gay characters, or spend time with my gay friends, their “gayness” will somehow rub off on me.
My compulsions include mentally reviewing past attractions to women to “prove” my straightness. I’ll avoid looking at attractive men. I sometimes test myself by looking at pictures of women to see if I still feel attracted. I’ve also found myself being overly “masculine” or making sure people know I have a girlfriend to “ward off” the gay thoughts or any perception I might be gay. I’ve started avoiding one of my gay friends because being around him triggers the fear. If I see him, I throw away the clothes I was wearing that day.
My Thoughts for Straight Jacket:
Dear Straight Jacket,
Sexual Orientation OCD (previously known as HOCD) is one of the more misunderstood subtypes of OCD, in part because it touches on identity at a deep, personal level. At its core, SO-OCD is based on the fear of not knowing who you are.
You’re not avoiding gay people because you dislike them; you’re avoiding them based on OCD’s suggestion that identity is fragile, vulnerable, and changeable. OCD warns that one thought, one moment, or one mistep might redefine you forever.
ERP here doesn’t try to prove anything. It doesn’t seek reassurance or clarity. It asks you to tolerate the uncertainty of not knowing with 100% conviction who you are…and to stop checking.
Watch the movies. Hang with your friends. Look at attractive people of any gender. And let the thought, “What if I’m not who I think I am?” just exist. It’s not proof; it’s just noise.
Letter #6: Fear of Becoming a “Bad Kid” (Drugs & Delinquency)
Hey Steve,
I’m a teenager, and generally a good kid – I get decent grades, I don’t get into trouble, I have good friends. But I have this horrible fear that I’m going to turn into a “bad kid.” Specifically, I’m terrified I’ll start drinking alcohol, doing drugs, shoplifting, or just generally give into unwanted impulses, become rebellious, and ruin my life.
This gets triggered if I see movies about troubled teens, or if I hear about someone I know from school getting into drugs or shoplifting. Even if I walk past a group of kids who look “rebellious” or are vaping, I get this jolt of fear: “What if that becomes me? What if their ‘bad influence’ is contagious?”
My main obsessions revolve around the idea that if I have a “bad thought” (like, “I wonder what it’s like to be high?” or even a fleeting thought about how easy it might be to steal a small item), it’s a sign I’m heading down that path. I worry that simply being aware of these behaviors, or being physically near people who engage in them, will somehow make me susceptible.
My compulsions include mentally “arguing” with these thoughts and trying to convince myself I’m a good person. I avoid parties, certain groups of kids at school, and my aunt who used to smoke. I’m overly cautious and confess all “bad thoughts” to my parents seeking reassurance. If I see a syringe (even in a medical context on TV), I feel contaminated and have to take a shower. I also avoid news stories or shows about addiction because I’m scared I’m “suggestible.”
My Thoughts for Good Kid Gone Anxious:
Hey Good Kid Gone Anxious,
You’re afraid of losing control—of somehow being “infected” by behavior you morally reject. But being around rebellion doesn’t create rebellion. Curiosity doesn’t cause corruption. And thoughts about bad behavior? Still just thoughts.
You’re working overtime to “stay good,” which is only feeding the problem. The compulsions of confessing, avoiding, and mental debating may make you feel better in the moment, but they actually keep the fear alive. Every time you seek reassurance or steer clear of “dangerous” influences, you reinforce the lie that morality is skin-deep.
ERP here means watching the news, going to the parties, and walking by those kids in school you’ve been avoiding. It means doing nothing to prove your goodness. Don’t confess. Don’t argue with the thoughts. Let them be. And give your aunt a big ol’ hug.
You don’t have to prove you’re good. You just have to live your life.
OCD loves to lie about what thoughts mean. It tells you that thinking something taboo means you secretly want it. It says being near someone flawed might make you flawed too. But thoughts are not intentions, and proximity doesn’t cause transformation.
ERP is about teaching your brain this lesson through lived experience. Not with logic or arguments, but with action. You sit with the discomfort, you stop doing the rituals, and over time, your brain learns that these thoughts don’t define you. They don’t have to control your life.
Do you recognize yourself in these stories? If so, you’re not alone — and more importantly, you’re not beyond help. Mental contamination is just another costume OCD wears. And like all of its disguises, it falls apart when you stop playing along.
If you’re struggling with these or similar symptoms, my Palm Beach County (South Florida) OCD treatment center offers individual, intensive, and group-based ERP for mental contamination OCD, as well as other forms of OCD and severe anxiety. Visit our website to learn more.
Questions? Comments? What are your experiences with mental contamination? Sound off below!
