Harm obsessions involve unwanted thoughts, impulses, or images about hurting or killing yourself or others.
Alternatively, picture yourself as a young child who is intensely afraid of playing with your new puppy…not because you’re afraid of dogs but because you are afraid that if you touch it, you might lose control and snap its neck.
In either scenario, the most horrifying part is that you’re afraid that you might secretly want to act on these unwanted thoughts.
After all, why would the thought keep coming if it didn’t mean something?
Violent Obsessions, Harm Obsessions, & Bad Thoughts
This is the daily reality for many adults, teens, and children who experience harm obsessions, also known as violent obsessions, a type of OCD symptom that involves unwanted, repetitive violent thoughts, impulses, or images. Harm obsessions are typically shocking, distressing, and disturbing, and they may occur thousands of times every day. They often involve themes of violence, death, murder, self-harm, and suicide. Obsessions involving death are also sometimes referred to as “morbid obsessions.”
Much like sexual obsessions, violent obsessions can be a debilitating symptom of OCD because they can “pop in” at any time and in any place. They are sometimes associated with the presence of triggers like particular people (e.g., loved ones) or vulnerable populations (e.g., fear of children or the elderly), but they may also occur with strangers. In other cases, they may seemingly emerge out of the blue with little provocation or warning. They can even occur when you’re alone or in the absence of an easily identifiable external trigger.
Because of this, many people with violent obsessions begin avoiding people they care about. They may also become fearful of being alone or being bored and may go to great lengths to keep themselves busy, because their unwanted thoughts may frequently occur during periods of downtime or relaxation. Consequently, many individuals with harm obsessions feel that they can never really relax. They become masters at distraction and often dread bedtime when they are alone with their thoughts.
Who gets violent obsessions?
Unfortunately, most people in the general population are unfamiliar with harm obsessions. Popular TV shows like Glee that feature characters with OCD (e.g., guidance counselor Emma) do not often depict individuals with violent obsessions. Even medical professionals like doctors, nurses, or mental health workers may not initially recognize the fear of killing/harming others as a symptom of OCD.
Because of the violent, gruesome nature of their OCD symptoms, many people who have the fear of harming/killing others mistakenly conclude that they must have dark, twisted personalities. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you attended my OCD support group and tried to pick out the people with harm obsessions on the basis of their personalities or physical appearance, you would nearly always guess incorrectly. Many individuals with harm obsessions are friendly, kind-hearted, and warm. Furthermore, even very young, happy children can develop morbid obsessions.
Interestingly, people with violent obsessions tend to be some of the nicest, most conscientious individuals who visit my Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, psychological practice. Why might this be?
OCD tends to hit you where it can hit hardest.
People with harm obsessions tend to be hypersensitive to bad thoughts and are often hyper-moral. Compared to individuals without OCD, they are more attuned to the content of their thoughts and are more likely to “police” their thoughts. As such, they often engage in mental rituals that involve examining their thoughts for potentially dangerous content. We all experience unwanted thoughts at times, but people with harm obsessions are more likely to fear that their unwanted thoughts are meaningful.
For people with harm obsessions, unwanted thoughts feel so distressing because they are often distinctly opposite of the types of thoughts that the individual wants to have. Thus, when bad thoughts do POP, these individuals are shocked and horrified and often go to great lengths to avoid or neutralize. Because avoidance and neutralization perpetuate OCD, without treatment, symptoms tend to escalate and become more out-of-control over time.
After having a bad thought, it is common for individuals with harm obsessions to jump to the following erroneous conclusions:
Fears about Violent Obsessions
- These symptoms mean I’m going crazy.
- Seeing violent images in my head must mean I’m developing schizophrenia.
- If anyone found out I’m thinking these things, I would be institutionalized.
- These thoughts mean that at my core, I am a truly horrible person.
- Experiencing these impulses means that I’m turning into a serial killer or pedophile.
- Only a monster would think about murdering their kids.
- If my spouse knew I was thinking these things, s/he would freak out and never look at me the same way again.
- Having these thoughts means I’m a bad person.
- I should be able to control my thoughts.
- What if the only way for me to have any peace is to act on my thoughts?
- The more often I have these thoughts, the more likely it is that I’ll act on them.
- I should only be thinking good things.
- My thoughts reflect my true desires.
- I’ve heard that some people with OCD have scary, unwanted thoughts…but what if this isn’t OCD?
These maladaptive beliefs cause many individuals with violent obsessions to be very secretive about their thoughts. They often live in fear, desperation, isolation, and depression for many years before understanding that they suffer from OCD, a treatable anxiety disorder. Having harm obsessions can feel like being locked away in your own private hell.
Fortunately, the internet has made it easier for internet-savvy OCD sufferers to discover that thousands of other people also share these disturbing symptoms. If you decide to attend an OCD support group, there’s also a comfort that comes in knowing that many other people have strikingly similar symptoms. Furthermore, these individuals tend to look more like kind-hearted individuals with OCD than budding serial killers.
In my next post, I identify some specific examples of aggressive obsessions.
Questions? Comments? Struggling with the fear of harming others? Sound off below.
 |
||
Follow @drstevenseay | Google+ |
|
Aggressive Obsessions: Fear of Harming or Killing Others
Suicide Obsessions: Fear of Killing/Harming Yourself
Fear of Hurting Other People
A great discussion!
Most definitely. Harm obsessions are certainly some of the most alienating symptoms.
Thank you, Dr. Seay, for continuing to get the word “out there.” If people with harm obsessions can realize early on that they are dealing with a common type of OCD, they can get treatment quicker and not have to suffer for so long. I see my son in your post…….he literally would not even hurt a fly, yet he suffered from harm obsessions, and again as you say, started avoiding being around his friends and some family members. Excellent post!
Thanks, Janet. These types of obsessions can be very difficult to bring up. Glad that Dan was able to conquer them.
thank you so much for this post it has certainly put me in a better place
Thanks for reading, Austin.
Thank you so much for this information. I have been suffering with this for years and am so relieved to know I’m not the only one! I am finally realizing that I need help and am well on my way to getting it. I cannot wait to live my life no longer in fear and guilt.
I believe I have this, but a psychiatrist believes otherwise. He said I had a brief psychotic episode and depression. I was having thoughts of hurting my daughter and boyfriend . I could imagen me doing it , and what scared me the most is that everything I saw suddenly became a weapon . I couldn’t go near anything. I avoid being with my daughter alone. I made sure if I was with her I had another adult present just incase. Then this thoughts escalated to me wanting to jump in front of a train even though I didn’t want
To , it got so bad that I avoid taking the train as much as possible . Is it possible I have OCD ?
Hi Erika,
Yes, it’s a possibility. In this case, it would be helpful to clarify your doctor’s reasoning, so that you can understand why he feels that the diagnosis of brief psychotic disorder is more appropriate than OCD. These diagnoses can have some overlap in terms of content, but the diagnostic criteria are actually quite different.
This differential diagnosis has important ramifications for treatment, as you would not want to treat brief psychotic disorder with exposure and response prevention (ERP).
Talk with your doctor.
Well he did not exactly tell me why, so I decided to switch psychiatris but now this psychiatrist (only saw me once for 20 minutes and did not even look at what my therapist wrote in my chart) says I have bipolar with psychotic features. The difference is that my therapist did mention that it sounds like Lcd with anxiety. I told the psychiatrist what my therapist said and he said that she doesn’t know anything and that he only knows because hes been doing this for 20 years and that I’m in denial of my diagnoelsis. He prescribe me medication and did not even ask about my health status to see if the medication will be right for me. I do not know what to do, should I look for a new psychiatrist. Or wait to see what my therapist says.
It’s a tough situation, and only you can decide how best to proceed. You might consider having your therapist call your psychiatrist and provide consultation.
I have been suffering from anxiety and panic for a few years now and I was good at controlling them with yoga and meditation. Lately I have not been serious about my yoga practice and the levels of anxiety rose. This was normal but just this morning I had the exact same thought as your article starts with and I was terrified to death. One thing is to have the normal panic attack and all the fear but THIS kind of thoughts were beyond any limit.Google led me to here. I have never seen a therapist and I cannot afford one. I was so proud of myself for managing to stabilize my anxiety and panic levels with Yoga but now I am totally baffled whether or not I need more serious help. Thank you for this information anyway!
Well actually my therapist told me to look for someone who specializes in ocd which I did and she confirm that I do have pure o ocd ,she recommend me to a psychiatrist who also specialzes in ocd and also diagnosed me with pure o ocd, but now I’m doubting whether I do have, maybe my first two diagnosis are correct and I’m in denial, maybe I did not explain my symptoms well to my new psychologist and psychiatrist. Maybe they are not seeing what the hospital psychiatrist saw. I don’t know what do anymore or what diagnosis to believe.
Thank you so much for this post and everyone who commented. I thought I was alone and was torturing myself with my thoughts. I am not afraid to get help now and I know I am not a crazy serial killer. Seriously, thank you so much for this.
That’s the spirit, Taylor!
hi. I think I have ocd. Because I feel all these things you listed about fears. I would like to know is the reading about ocd is my compulsion? Because when these bad thoughts try to hit me I go to internet and read about ocd and it makes me feel better. Is it better if I stop doing it? And is it ok to stay with my family even if I have these harming them thoughts? I think like this I am fighting my anxiety. Thanks
Excessive online research can certainly be a ritual in some cases. It’s important to differentiate information-seeking from reassurance-seeking. If you’re reading the same information over and over again, it is likely a ritual. I would recommend meeting with a local OCD treatment specialist to get guidance.
I can’t deal with this! I have the best bf ever and here recently out of the blue I’ve been having evil and unwanted thoughts, telling me to “Kill him.” I can’t even kill a bug without crying, so how in the world could I hurt my baby! I don’t deserve to live here with him, I just wanna die…I can’t do this anymore it’s killing me!!! And I can’t talk about it…I need help!
Seek help with a therapist, Narnar. My daughter also has horrible idioms and fears losing control and hurting one of us or even herself, but she is the most kind and gentle person. This also started very suddenly, along with several other OCD issues, so we are certain her issues are OCD. It’s very hard to talk about, but starting by getting help from someone who understands will make you feel much better. Knowledge is power!! Don’t despair!
Thanks for sharing those words of encouragement!
This type of OCD can be incredibly stressful, but you should know that you’re not alone in this. Check out ocfoundation.org for OCD support groups in your area–it can be incredibly helpful to meet other people who share the same symptoms.
So sorry you have to go through that. I have had to deal with same kinds of things. The thing that helped me the most was a bit of arrogance. Instead of allowing the thoughts to cause me extreme guilt and despair, I would use arrogant tactics in which I would tell myself, “You’re a great guy. You’re awesome. So what if you think bad thoughts, you’re one of the greatest people.” Sounds arrogant but it helped. I also broke ties with religion as religion seemed to intensify the guilt and remorse, and thus, cause the thoughts to be stronger. I think that a healthy self-esteem is a powerful concoction to throw at OCD.
I just wanted to say thank you. I may have experienced this a few years back though mildly..though it became intense that I had to see a specialist. I was told there was nothing wrong with me but this article made me understand this symptom of OCD more. Thanks.
I got over it for a couple of months & being raised as a Catholic it did make it more intense. when i read your article i really thought i was going mad..the psychologist couldn’t answer me questions. I asked my GP who thought I was silly and I wasn’t ‘depressed’ but unwillingly she gave me a referral to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist explained how we all have intrusive thoughts from time to time and never saw her again. She explained that I know who I am, Im a good mother and wife. This helped me move on. Though a month ago I was under a lot of stress (work and sick grandma) and cant believe it came back. I’ll be more prepared next time but I feel very relieved.
Thank you so much for posting this. I think I have this. I was told I can mild OCD as a kid, I couldn’t stop washing my hands and I imagined knives in the kitchen as a kid. I thought it meant I was siucidal, but I didn’t want to act on it, I was just scared, I was a child. Then lately I had some, it scared me most cause I saw these things happen to my mum & my best mate. I would never harm a fly as you described. Thankyou so much.
I too suffer from these awful thoughts. Sometimes as soon as I wake in the morning the first thing to pop into my head is one of these horrible ideas. I’m married with three kids, whom I love dearly, and all I keep thinking of is killing them. I’ve suffered with anxiety and panic for about 11 years now without medications and was doing well until about 2 months ago. I’m now trying different medications for anxiety but I must have OCD as well and maybe I should try something for that also? Has anyone had any luck with meds? Do you recommend meds at all Dr. Seay?
I have had harm obsession for 21 years. It started almost overnight when I was 21. It was a horrible experience. Horrible thoughts of murder, sexual violence, Satan worship, and suicide. The more I tried to stop these thoughts the worse they became. I remember how horrible it felt to think about killing my parents even though I loved them so much. After a year or so I learned that by actually thinking the thoughts, as opposed to not thinking them, the less they became. Although I still struggle it is not as bad as it was 20 years ago. I also found that having an active social life seems to make the thoughts less strong. I didn’t date women for most of my twenties because I was so scared I would carry out a horrible act. In my thirties I started dating again, and you know what? The thoughts subsided.
My doctor put me on Lexapro for awhile and although it did help I didn’t like the way it made me feel tired and lethargic. I quit taking the medicine and still struggle with OCD but not to the extent that I did twenty years ago. Is there another treatment that works without the use of Lexapro?