Sexual obsessions involve unwanted sexual thoughts, such as the fear of being attracted to something unwanted, taboo, or morally "unacceptable."
In addition to anxiety, which characterizes most obsessions, individuals with sexual obsessions often experience extreme guilt, shame, hopelessness, and depression. Individuals with OCD with sexual symptoms often mistakenly consider themselves deviant, disgusting, or evil.
Moreover, incorrect assumptions about the true causes of their unwanted sexual thoughts make them less likely to seek treatment or to share their symptoms with others. In my Palm Beach County, South Florida psychological practice, I treat many individuals who have lived with sexual obsessions for many years before seeking treatment.
Sexual obsessions often leave one feeling isolated and alone. Moreover, in efforts to avoid symptom triggers, people with unwanted sexual thoughts often drop out of school, quit their jobs, end relationships, or make other life-altering decisions that paradoxically make their symptoms worse.
What are Sexual Obsessions?
Sexual obsessions in OCD can take many forms. Most sexual obsessions involve unwanted thoughts, ideas, impulses, or images focusing on sexual content. Some individuals with sexual obsessions are bombarded by unwanted urges to act in a sexual way toward children, animals, or other populations. They might experience intrusive images of sexual organs, envision themselves performing unwanted sexual acts, or have persistent doubts about their own sexual identity.
They experience repetitive thoughts like:
- What if I’m attracted to that person?
- What if I lose control and act out sexually?
- What if I expose my genitals to that person?
- What if I secretly want to have sex with that person?
Sexual obsessions often involve the fear of secretly being gay (if one is actually straight), being sexually attracted to children (fear of pedophilia), being sexually attracted to animals (fear of bestiality), or being sexually attracted to dead things (fear of necrophilia). In fact, the variety and forms that unwanted sexual thoughts can take are limited only by the breadth of the human imagination. Societal and personal beliefs about these topics often lead to extreme distress whenever these obsessions occur.
Here are some common sexual obsessions / thoughts.
Types of OCD Sexual Obsessions / Thoughts
- Fear of being a pedophile or becoming a pedophile.
- (parents often fear being sexually attracted to their own children).
- Fear of being sexually attracted to animals.
- Fear of being sexually attracted to dead things.
- Fear of becoming gay (if straight) or fear of becoming straight (if gay).
- May also involve a fear of secretly being gay (or straight).
- Fear of being sexually attracted to religious persons.
- Fear of being sexually attracted to God.
- Fear of being sexually attracted to siblings, parents, or other relatives.
- Fear of becoming aggressive or violent during sex.
Many individuals with sexual obsessions spend significant amounts of time either berating themselves for having such thoughts or trying to convince themselves that the thoughts aren’t true. In most cases, efforts to convince oneself that the thoughts are untrue is a form of mental reassurance, a ritual/compulsion that maintains the OCD cycle.
In cases of severe OCD, individuals may become confused about whether or not they have actually acted on their thoughts. They may know logically that these events have not occurred, but OCD may cause them to doubt their memories.
Ways to Identify Sexual Obsessions in OCD
- What is the prevailing emotion you experience when having these thoughts? Dread/guilt or desire/lust? Dread, confusion, guilt, and despair commonly accompany sexual obsessions.
- What’s the difference between being a pedophile and having obsessions focusing on pedophilia? Pedophiles enjoy the idea of having sex with children, whereas individuals with pedophilia related obsessions are often scared by the prospect of acting on their thoughts.
- Also regarding pedophilia: If you could be guaranteed that you wouldn’t get caught, would you want to act on your thoughts? Pedophiles answer “Yes” to this question. People with OCD answer “No” or “I don’t know” (due to OCD-related doubt).
- What’s the difference between being gay and having homosexual obsessions (HOCD)? Gay individuals experience pleasure when having sexual thoughts involving same sex partners, whereas individuals with homosexual obsessions become scared or disgusted by these thoughts.
- It’s also important to recognize cases in which individuals with OCD fear that they might have to inevitably give into their impulses in order to keep “from going crazy”. They might not want to act on their thoughts but they think, “What if my mind is never at peace until I act on my thoughts?” The idea of having relief from their thoughts can then make them feel unsure about whether or not they want to act on them.
Please note that the above questions are over-simplifications of complex ideas. If you have sexual obsessions, you would likely experience doubt and confusion over the answers to many of these questions.
Treatment of Sexual Obsessions / Thoughts in OCD
Treatment of sexual obsessions is complex and individualized. In my Palm Beach Gardens, FL practice, I treat many individuals with OCD sexual obsessions using exposure and response prevention (ERP) and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Treatment involves confronting fear triggers in a systematic way while resisting rituals and avoidance behaviors. With consistent practice, these fear triggers lose their power over you.
Overcoming sexual obsessions is not based on definitively proving that these obsessions are unfounded. Although this outcome would be desirable (if possible), someone with a strong tendency toward OCD doubt can never eliminate all traces of doubt in a way that is fully satisfying. After all, if you have these types of symptoms, you’ve probably already spent months or years trying unsuccessfully to accomplish this goal.
Am I sure that I don’t secretly want to have sex with _________? Trying to answer this question with a resounding “No” is ultimately doomed to fail. It’s not the question itself that is the problem. It’s actually your exhaustive attempts to disprove the possibility that perpetuates your symptoms. I have discussed this idea in more detail in my posts on thought control and unwanted thoughts.
Instead, successful, effective treatment of OCD is based on learning to accept uncertainty about the things we can’t know for sure. You might not know with 100% certainty whether or not you could become a pedophile, but neither does anyone else. People without OCD-related sexual obsessions accept this doubt, without engaging in efforts to avoid or neutralize. This is the goal of treatment: to accept doubt without avoidance or neutralization. This is the key to breaking free from sexual obsessions and living a happy, healthy life.
My next post will discuss symptoms of homosexual OCD (HOCD), or the fear of becoming gay (or secretly being gay).
Questions? Comments? Struggling with OCD-related sexual obsessions? Sound off below.
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Thought Control & OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) – Overview
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) – Cognitive Deficits
Thank you Dr.
Been struggling with this for months but I am slowly learning what is wrong with me and looking to correct it
Truly appreciate this
That’s great, Gus. Keep working at it, and it will improve.
Thanks for the post. I’ve been dealing with sexual obsessions now for the past month. I was listening to the news on the radio talking about pedophiles and then a thought came into my mind that said “what if you’re a pedophile.”. It scared me and I already take Zoloft for anxiety so when this thought came into my mind it wouldn’t leave. It grew into other unwanted thoughts that made me sick to my stomach. I stopped doing my daly routines because of this. I’m 24 and in a relationship with a woman I truly love yet these thoughts still plague me. I’ve had thoughts before regarding me believe I was HIV positive, had ALS, and Parkinson’s. I’ve been trying to not pay any attention towards these thoughts.
I just want my old life back, Dr. The life that made me happy.
Hi, I saw this article on this. I am wanting to be a kindergarten teacher and I have had thoughts like “What if I touch one of my kids, what if I think a thought, what if I have sexual feelings towards kids, what if I do this and that and this and that. When I was a sunday school teacher I had thoughts towards kids I didnt want that grieved me. Sometimes I cant do my school work and throw up questioning whether or not I should be a teacher. Wondering why I don’t have a real love for kids when people tell me I’m great with them. Me wondering if I really should be in teaching because I didnt grow up babysitting or had little brothers and sisters. Wondering why I feel fear towards adults and kids all the time. I have been throwing up because of these thoughts lately and it wont stop. I have one thought and I tense up and are unable to control nausea.
thank u so much this made me feel better.
thanks dr…ive had many sleepless nights due to this,because of guilt, just cus these thoughts scare the shit out of me! now i know i have a disorder and they are not real!!! i even had suicidal thoughts because i thought i was a sick person and etc…. but you really helped me with this, god bless you sir
Dear Dr. Steven
Thank you very much for the the article on learning to accept the uncertainty. I have been suffering from this disease sinch childhood. Like most of the people who suffer from HOCD, I was afraid to speak out. I was a brillienat student till 10th Grade and as I started getting the unwanted thoughts could not concentrate on studies and passed the Graduation with average Marks. Also as my parents were not educated much, I could not talk to them or make them understand my condition. I had dual issues of both having OCD and HOCD which I understand now after reading your article. I did not leave the life battle as I got in to software profession and being perfectionist helped there from my growth, but it also brought with it unwanted stress and anxity. When I was 37, I completely got exhausted and that is when I met a Phychiatrist and he told me its a OCD and its a disease. He believed it can be treated with medicine. He trated me with Chlofranil, I had some relief and got the thoughts go away. I could work for 10 more years. But in the mean time got addicted to Porn and my family life suffered. I have been trying to prove the unwanted Gay thoughts and they have been bothering me repeatedly. Now I understand how to handle them. Thanks for the same. It gives me more courage to face life and work situations.
Regards,
Vincy, Asia
hi dr.steven , and thank you for these great article . i hope you continue to help us . i have a question , does the four step of dr jeff schwarts is a good way for dealing with pure o ?
For some people, Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz’s 4 steps (discussed in Brain Lock) can be helpful. This model doesn’t work for everyone, though, so keep in mind that you might need some other techniques to round out your OCD-fighting toolkit. For example, I think it’s important to incorporate liberal amounts of active exposure as part of your recovery plan. I also know many individuals whose OCD interferes with the relabeling/reattributing steps.
thank you dr.steven
hello doctor and thank you very much,
i have repeating thoughts of enjoying being dominated by a female and even sometimes by a male. are these thoughts sexual obsessions as well ?
are those people wanting to be dominated and humiliated (by a female for example)really enjoying performing their thoughts or deep in their heart they are suffering? are these rituals?
i don’t know if i really want these thoughts or not!
Hi, I’m a 20 year old male. I believe that I struggle and have struggled with OCD.
From the ages of 13-18 I was addicted to pornography.
13 is a really young age to get into pornography, and it has had severe consequences on my psych.
I have been working with a local therapist for the last year about my extreme reaction to unwanted thoughts.
The unwanted sexual thoughts about children or adults can overwhelm me so much that I can’t talk to people or do normal tasks because it interrupts my probing questions to myself. It also removed all my ability to focus or feel loved by God in prayer, all I feel is extreme anxiety and unrest.
You’re article has been so powerful for me. I can’t believe it. I’ve talked about quite a lot of the same things with my therapist, but never all of this in the perfect context. I now really believe that I do have OCD and I’m going to take the steps to let go, and not be upset if everything doesn’t go perfectly.
Thank you. This has helped heal my broken mind. Please don’t stop doing what you’re doing, you are helping people significantly.
Blessings.
Thanks for reading, Bryce. I’m glad some of the articles have been helpful to you. You’re not alone in this.
my coment is to all surferer as well as doctors to help to overcome unwanted thoughts(obc or schizoid helpful to both).
Everone has unwanted thought. but its become problem when we provided meaning to those thoughts. so try to stop meaning to those thoughts by imagination. and strictly stop to surf pornographic content, stopping pornographic will solve your 50% problem. also strictlyy avoid isolation ,stay together with firnds,family and daily play with childrens it will show u good result. generally ocd and schizoid belives tht isolation is solution of every situation or problem and isolation increase imagination and hence unwanted thoughts(results in sexual addiction ,) it will reduce thoughts and hence reduces unwanted behaviour. also parallalyy focus on your goal of life related to career and concentrate to hit your career target.after practicing the above, u will see noticable reduction in unwanted thoughts. observe your own mind tendency and try to find your unwanted thinking cycle pattent. u will find that u r making object the subject unnecesarrily by providing them imagination.(may be due t o habit or addiction of pornograhic). dont loose hope keep determination powerfully stonglyy..
revising treatment
1) stop watching pornograph stictlyy..
2) focus on your career goal and concentrate to hit target to fulfill dreams.stay with friend circle or family (avoide isolation stictlyy, bcoz isolation or sex is not permanent solution of any problem)
3)observe your self and behaviour to understand your progress. 1% reduction in unwanted thoughts is also imp bcoz 100% is sum of such little 1%.
4) practice dailyy the above tips .. and play with childrens.
I want to reply again. I am undone. I was doubting myself while I read the stuff underneath, “How to Identify Sexual Obsessions in OCD” and then I read;
“Please note that the above questions are over-simplifications of complex ideas. If you have sexual obsessions, you would likely experience doubt and confusion over the answers to many of these questions.”
This whole thing reads me like a book. At the top where you say people often feel isolated because of the obsessions. Considering yourself sick, disgusting or evil.
Thank you so much for this. This is like buckets of rain in a very hard dry place. There are tears in my eyes from the freedom I feel.
Educate yourself about your OCD and then do whatever you can to eliminate its impact on your life. Then spread the word that recovery is possible.
Hi dr. I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone about this and I’m shaking right now telling you. I have only been struggling with this for a little while but it’s been driving me crazy. I keep on having sexual thoughts towards girls and am scared to death I’m gay. I have always liked boys and had “crushes” on boys. But just a while ago I was on a social media website and there was a lesbian sex story. I thought ” oh god no it turned me on” but then I thought maybe my mind was just playing games and making me think I liked it but I didn’t know. I then would have homosexual dreams that would immediately make me feel extremely guilty. I came to the realization that maybe I was bisexual but even that made me sick to my stomach. I already know I have some OCD problems. But the column still hasn’t totally eased my mind. What if the pleasure I think I feel means I’m gay? I’ve had many other OCD types of problems like obsession of religion and mild obsession over appearance. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one but instill feel like I’m the only one which is confusing but it’s how I feel. I’d really like if you could comment back or something. I’ve told myself that if I’m homosexual a last resort is suicide. I hope it doesn’t escalate to that.
Im only 17 and I’ve been dealing with this for the past couple of weeks Im really scared of being attracted to animals. I feel really sick right now thinking about it and Im really scared i will have to act on it just to get rid of the thoughts just like you said. Its ruining my life. I have a dog and i can’t sit down with him and talk to him and play with him like I used to because Im too scared to be near him. I also can’t tell my parents or sister about it because they won’t understand. I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford to go to a therapist. Im stuck. Im starting to think suicidal again and i feel like Im at rock bottom. I’ve had anxiety for 7 years now and I’ve gotten over all kinds of fears. Will this one go away you? How can I convince myself that its not something I want to do? I just need some help.
I don’t know if this response is to late but hopefully I can be of some help. I too suffer from severe OCD that has seemed to eventually evolve into Pure O for the most part. I suffer from sexual and relationship OCD. I often wonder if I would hurt a child but deep down I know I wouldn’t.
It is the same way with you I suppose. YOU wouldn’t ever have sex with animals but your brain is taunting you repeatedly with the notion you would. The fact that you feel guilt and remorse for something you haven’t even done shows you are a good person with morals. It’s the disease that makes you have self-doubt.
I recommend you see a therapist. I know it can be terrifying but I am currently seeing one and it has been helping immensely. One trick my Dr. taught me was to let the thoughts play through my mind and not try to repress them. In your case it would be letting yourself think about having sex with your dog. It might sound evil to do to someone but I assure you it can help. The purpose is to become bored by the thoughts, to not play into the OCD. You WILL feel anxious, sick, and that you’re going to die but just remember you will not die, it’s the OCD playing on your fears.
I know it was awhile ago you posted this but hopefully you check back to this site on occasion. This could apply to anyone though so hopefully this will benefit someone and let them no they are not a bad person, and far from alone.
Thanks for this incredibly insightful response, VCBC!
OCD isn’t convinced by logic. It thrives on doubts, uncertainties, and what-ifs. Attempts to prove and convince typically contribute to the problem because they reflect rituals. OCD resolves through giving up these rituals and learning to accept uncertainty. Treatment would likely be helpful to teach you how to do this. If financial constraints stand in your way, attend a free local support group or identify a therapist who has a sliding scale. You could also read one of the many self-help books about OCD or discuss medication-based options with your doctor.
Dear Dr,
My question pertains to the following part: ”In cases of severe OCD, individuals may become confused about whether or not they have actually acted on their thoughts. They may know logically that these events have not occurred, but OCD may cause them to doubt their memories.”
What is the best treatment method then? I read it with interest and I guess I understood that if you suffer from OCD you need to accept uncertainty etc. but what if you question if these are only thoughts? How to recognize them and not let the OCD develop? I mean, if the thought can cause high anxiety, belief that it happened may be devastating.
Could you please advise?
Thank you.
If you have these types of symptoms, it is probably best to work with an OCD therapist who can provide direct guidance about the best approach for you. If your belief has the potential to be devastating, I would suggest that it is even more important to come to grips with it. Because OCD thrives on doubt and uncertainty about ambiguous situations, it will selectively target situations where you can’t know for sure.
In my experience, it is important to avoid non-productive arguments with your OCD. If you insist that something didn’t happen and your OCD insists it did, you have to give up your efforts to convince or persuade. If you don’t, you are probably trying to convince your OCD (or yourself) of something that is essentially unknowable. This is a mental ritual. Neither you nor your OCD can know with 100% certainty.
You must learn to sidestep this ritual. People do this in different ways. Some avoid engaging in the mental conversation; others agree with their unwanted thoughts without resisting them.
If you have OCD, the whole point of exposure therapy is to induce anxiety and to develop a different type of relationship with your thoughts. In the process of doing this, you are likely to experience a whirlwind of emotions. Because this experience can be confusing, you might really benefit from some professional assistance.
Wishing you all the best…
this is exactly how i feel i want it to go away my mind is so stressed out and i just want to cry and it to go away
Kellie, these symptoms are treatable. Find an OCD specialist to help guide you.
Hi.i.have been.suffering with terrible.ocd and the fear of becoming a peadophile.because i have so.many sick unwanted thoughts and feel.like im gonna.loose all inabitions and act on them. I avoid hugging and bathing my kids cos.im.so.anxious i cry and get into panicks. I.shake and i feel sick
I.hate it i wish i.was an ocd sufferer of hand washing or hoarding id kill.for.that instead
Almara, these types of symptoms are just as treatable as contamination symptoms. Find an OCD specialist and begin exposure and response prevention (ERP).
Hi, I am currently going through these unwanted thoughts, and have just started my final year in school. I am very worried these thoughts will affect my grades as I was a top student. Would you recommend that I see a psychologist?
Hi A.S. – I was experiencing this in my final year of school as well, and would definitely recommend seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist – the psychiatrist may perscribe you medicine; this really helped me deal with everything, but I did need treatment from a psych as well. Getting help makes things much easier to deal with school-wise, and if you are struggling with studies due to the OCD a school counsellor may be able to work something out for you (they just need a note from your psychologist; I know as I didn’t want the school counsellor to know about my thoughts).
As for me, I’m 19 now and my Pure O has recently come back.
I’ve experienced virtually all sexual forms of Pure O since I was 15, but it’s the necrophilia and incest thoughts that stick in my head the most, which is terribly disturbing for me… I’m seeking help again now – hopefully I can take control as I did with my last bout of OCD.
Good luck to everyone.
Working with a professional who is experienced in treating OCD can certainly be helpful and accelerate your progress. If your symptoms are impacting your life, schedule a consultation with a local provider to see if treatment is right for you.
Hi, I’m 17 and I have been struggling with Pure O thoughts since January, It all started with a panic attack over random harm thoughts, they all passed. I had looked up Pure O and read about other peoples thoughts and unfortunately a few days later I was hit with the fear that I was a lesbian. I experienced extreme anxiety but over due time the anxiety faded. For a while I switched back to harm thoughts and I had forgotten about the lesbian thoughts, but they came back. My anxiety isn’t there anymore I don’t feel panicky, just really frustrated. The thing is my thoughts are telling me I’m a lesbian and I get groinal responses but I generally do not find women attractive, being a lesbian doesn’t appeal to me, I’ve always liked men but right now I can’t feel it. I just want to feel attracted to men again and not feel like there is something stopping me. Sometimes I doubt it’s really OCD, but it just doesn’t make any sense. Do you think this is really OCD or am I just confused?
Thats exactly how i feel. i feel like im being forced to be labeled as something i know I’m not
Doctor i am really uncomfortable saying this. I sugfer with all of this i think im a lesbian and i hate the thought. But i have had all of these thoughts. I have had them about little kids adults and what sickens me is ive ha them about my parents. I have had fears and doubts if im a pedophile or a lesbian. Or both i hate the thoughts so i stay home and drown in guilt and fear and struggle with the same questions to because i got them about my parents including my mom i started thinking i was a lesbian and felt strange around my best friend because i started getting guilty unwanted thoughts about her i have had EVERY doubt and thought you listed even violent ones and i hate it i am on depression medication and sometimes it feels like it doesnt work i. Take cilexa i heard most people try to see if they like these thoughts bye looking up pictures because they are afraid they will get aroused well thats why im to scared and i dont i feel like i cant go to the outside world anymore i cant even look at little kids wich sucks because my cousin who is 6 comes over alot and i get terrable thoughts about family member no matter ehat age animals old people and ten as i tryed to get more in to the bible i was afraid i ha sexual thoughts about god i have a therapist and i dint know what to do i am staying home sick tiday and i am only 12 i have had a boy around my age sexually touch me in preschool in a play house i have seen a couple of movies about rape wich i think triggered some and i have seen porn because of. A dsre wich i tealky regret but i dont even know were some of these thoughts came from i have thought of suicide because i feel there is no escape and i feel scared and alone this article kind of helps but i always go back to sick ess guilt shame fear anxiety and sadness i just want to go back to my normal life this all happend to fast
You have to know this bad thinking come from evil in your mind , try to fight this by reading books , visit family , sit with your friends , don’t be alone , try to imagin you fight with your enemy , this bad thinking will not stop so try to be ready to fight , day after day you will feel better , try to stop watch the porn vides , porn photo , try to prayer to your god to help you , to show you the right way , blessing .
This has been ongoing for me but I think it’s getting better, so it started like a month and a half ago and at first I was freaking out like there was no hope, then it was better for a few days then for a week I was having these thoughts of irreversible homosexuality, I was in total despair and just wanted to sleep because I felt like I couldn’t be gay if I was sleeping then I read countless articles on the web about how people are born gay and I felt better. For almost a week then it hit me so hard and I couldn’t focus in class and my social life was in peril I thought, then I saw something about anxiety and OCD and I felt like that had to be it because I knew I wasn’t gay and I still get turned on by just holding hands or non sexual contact like that with a girl and even felt normal for a couple of days at a time, but the confusing thing is when I try to get tuned on to prove it to myself I’m not gay, I do it then when I’m done I’m still confused, I know that I stare at breast and butts on women as they walk buy but something in my head is telling its fake and that’s just what your supposed to do as a male, and I’m just tired of this and want to be normal
Very great article helped alot and thanks for taking your time to post and actually write this thank you so much
whenever i see my brothers or parents or little kids or my dog or anyone it would be repulsive to have sex with i think about it and its just horrible and invading my life but your article has really helped i now know that i am not a creep or wierdo ps. whenever i get these horrible thoughts i think about having sex with this girl from school to cleanse myself, is this a sort of coping mechanism? by the way im not bothered if i think about sex with someone the same age as me (im 13) even though im underage
First of all I would like to thank you. There is so much out there on the Internet and the information is vague or contradictory. This post was very thorough and I really appreciated the thoroughness by explaining that many of the questions are indeed complex and the answers never simple because the very act of rading the questions and trying to answer them creates doubt and speculation and the viscous cycle starts all over again. I am an otherwise extremely rational and logical thinker but what drives me so bonkers is that when I read this and relize the phenomenon of this disease does indeed exist and there are others that experience the same exact symptoms, thoughts, ruminations, fears and doubts that I experience-the logic tells me “Hooray! I’m just like everyone else. There are others all over the country that have the same issues in generally the same ways. It surley must be OCD.” Yet all I can say in return is “Yea, but maybe I’m different.” It’s as if this disease is a form of split personality disorder instead of an anxiety disorder. Ugh.
I tell my friend that if I ever get over this, I will be like an innocent prisoner set free from death row. I know pain can be relative, but nothing I have suffered from in my life compares to this. If I can leave the shame and guilt and intrusiveness of these thoughts and think about music and nature and pretty girls once again without this invasion, I will be walking on air the rest of my life.I wanted to add that what’s so incredibly hard for my mind to grasp is that I am 42 years old and never questioned my sexuality until a year ago. I had a completely “normal” heterosexual puberty by every definition i.e. adult women were the sole object of my fantasies, dreams and desires as far back as childhood. Dated only women and only wanted to date women. It just never occurred to me to even question my orientation. So it seems so absurd that I would doubt my sexuality after all these years. The pervasive question that haunts me most is this: has my true sexuality been repressed all these years? But it couldn’t. Just watching bikini clad women dancing in a music video made me extremely aroused as a young adult. Im wondering if this has more to do with a mid life crisis in combination with loss of testosterone and porn burn out? Ive read about studies that show internet porn can destroy arousal response and much like drugs, can burn out receptors in certain areas in the brain. Supposedly, this can be reverse thankfully. Thank for reading this long response.
Is it normal for a 12 almost 13 year old to get pocd or pedophilic sexual obsessions im a little confused i experience all these problems and doubts that scare me sometimes i feel like im fighting something in my head with my own beliefs of whats right and wrong though i find it discusting but sometimes a voice says its fine wich scares the heck out of me and i fight back because my own belief says its not fine but a little voice talks to me and i dont even want that but sometimes something tells me i do i can ignor it sometimes but i sometimes fear that it means something an get scared i wonder if it happend because i was sexually abused when i was younger by an older child j was four he was ten i dont know but i always gi ti scientific resources about becoming a pedophile and pedophiles to see if i like them anni notice im not but later on i experience doubt and guilt i used to get way more anxiety but i have therapy and maintain it i am also being put on ocd medication i think i get less anxiety now because i started a deppresion medication but i still get ocd i actually have weeks were i dont obsess and i find the fears absurd and stupid i notice that i still am attracted to boys my age sometimes older and im not as scared and pretty happy but its a cycle sometimes i just experience tones of doibt all day to were im really scared i read pedophiles turn there life into some other world and dont think its wrong i fear that its gonna happen to me i also read they only care what sosciety thinks i fear that will happen to me so i repeat in my mind i dont care what society thinks and other things like i am not a pedophile over and over almost all day i dont really fear i will ever hurt a child when im around them i have only experienced an unwanted urge once around a boy that looked kind of like my abuser and it was in the nurses office the nurse left the room and i was so afraid i would molest him or something that i licked my self in the bathroom i started crying and freaking out and the boy looked so confused wondering what was wrong with me i felt so bad that he had to watch it it looked so stupid im never extremely aroused by these thoughts at all and when i am its not pleasent i fear i wont develope healthily through puberty and im worried!!! Ughhh sorry this is so long i hope im not really becoming one
What if I feel like I want to hurt someone helpless and I feel like I kind of want to do it when I am not that kind of person and would only do it in my head and in a virtual world to see if I am that kind of person, but the thoughts still horrify me?
Does this type of therapy help on intrusive thoughts about your girlfriend’s past sex life?
Hi Doctor, I am puzzle what should I call to my disorder..whenever I am worshiping God pornographic thoughts come in my mind, I see genitals and all other similar thoughts. I am really afraid this is becoming a trouble for me. What this indicates….am I atheist why such thoughts come when I am doing any religious ritual BTW I am a Hindu and at times question the existence of God. Please help me.Why such thoughts are appearing only when I try to do ritualistic acts prescribed in Hinduism..are these signals indicating me something..
hi Doctor ,i m a man , i have a story of sexual abuse in my childhood , until my 20 i was fine , than my 1rst crisis starts , after few months every things was normal , after few years a 2 nd , same thing , at the 3 rd one i figured that my abuse was the cause , after i thought that it was finished , for 6 years i lived happy life and now i m in my 4th crisis , so i try to understand , and i found that from my first crisis i had symptoms related to my abuse and symptoms of pure OCD with sexual themes , they come together and disappear together , is that normal , for example of my pure OCD , i read an articl that 10 % of men who was abused will become abuser , so how can i know that i will not become an abuser ,after i told to my self i can not know , and even if i will become one it will not be my fault ,and this is a reality , after another thought comes , if it s reality i have to fight it , i told to my self , i ll try my best this all what i can do , another thought comes , what a horror if this is my reality , how can i live with this being a pedophile , with other worries like becoming gay , or being pedophile and acting against my loved ones
in normal periods these thoughts do not cross my mind , i m confident person , happy person , with high moral values ,considered like a an intelligent and wise and trustful person and suddenly finding my self dealing with such thoughts is just unimaginable but with the crisis its like falling from the sky , is that normal that it disappear for years and come back like an explosion and always with the symptoms of PTSD related to my abuse knowing that it takes more to the symptoms of pure OCD to disappear and they make me suffer a lot , it s doubt that does not end ,and also there is a fear if even if its end now it can comeback in the future if i will have children ,
my OCD asks me questions which for them i do not have answers , and if i tell my self these are only thoughts i do not have to worry about them , another worry appears , if i m not worry that means that they are true , what a horror , when i m in crisis it seems like it will never end and i have the fear that it will never end , but with my experience i know it will end , but now i know it s a pure OCD , and i hope that i will find a way to make it end quickly and that it will have not a big place in my future life
HELP ME. WOW! Relief just reading your page. You hit the nail on the head on something I haven’t been able to talk about to anybody. OCD seems to be my problem. I would like to learn more. Please help me.
I been feeling like I’m going insane almost. I’ve experimented with drugs trying to cure it, and they only get harder. Trying to have sex as a rituial instead of pleasure. It’s like I think that my ejaculation is connected with my thought at the time. And if the thought bothers me then I’m down and depressed and feel like I can’t go forward til I can at least have sex again. And if the female and I get into an arguement and she wants to leave me and I’m not ok with the thought I had in my head the last nut, then I’m a sucker for her to stay all because of OCD. Then I feel upset for doing that. So I’m confused about the relationship I’m in. Not to mention she wants me to be a gay man and I’m not. So I try to do tha gay forplay with her, talk, porn, even tell her that she’s getting it from a gay during sex. Then I feel horrible. I know I’m not gay. What can a man do when his wife wants a gay man ? I feel like I won’t ever satisfy her cuz I’m not really gay and she knows it I guess. And it seems shes using that to try to control me.
Oh my… now I see this was what was going on with me.
From a very young age, around 9, I had a fascination with sex. In any form or way. It would occur to me to want to touch babies or excite animals but the ideas go against my morals and I knew was wrong. These urges crept up on me, during dreams or babysitting,etc.what I perceived as deviant desire for a while led me to get into things like threesomes and such. I always felt guilt afterwards. I thought these types of activities would help me not go crazy. I am now in a loving relationship with a guy that is just perfect in every way but I often get these strong sexual thoughts about other people around me. They being the same or opposite sex as me. I always try to fight the thoughts off then end up crying and thinking I’m just a vile woman. These thoughts even range to a look-a-like of my own brother. Adding incest to the list of my sexual “desires”.At some point, my mind was repeating the name of a guy I knew while I was kissing my boyfriend. I was trying my best to fight it off but it just felt like it was getting stronger every time I denied it. I am always afraid I will succumb to the temptations. This article helped me understand that I am not a sexual deviant but have these obsessive sexual thoughts. I hope I can get through with these once and for all. It’s really painful to deal with.
Hi, all. This has been interesting (and anxiety inducing) to read.
When I was a kid (12 and under) I did the whole “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” a couple of times, and acted out in other ways. One time, with a baby sitter’s young daughter (yes, younger than I was.. I think I was 11 or younger, but my OCD messes with me and I have no real clear idea how old I or she was) I believe I acted out in a way that was result of something that happened previously, which was at primary school, the teacher(s) showed a class of children a very explicit ‘teaching’ video. I remember being confused by it, and I also remember it being cut short, and little explanation (if any) given. From this point in, I think was when I became really confused and curious, about whether I was normal, and about what was what. Anyway, my mother found out about stuff, and her reaction was not a sensible reaction, but an eccentric one. My mother bend down and said something along the lines of “Do you want to be a pedophile?” or some other variant. Honestly, my mind has twisted what she said so much – for years I was convinced she said “You will grow up to be a pedophile” or something like that. My curiosity in.. basically.. the male and female groin.. left I think at about 16, when me and another guy (1 or 2 years older than me) had a sorta show and tell moment. Now I have OCD, or “PureO” and am so scared of children that I have avoided them my entire life. I can’t watch TV because of adverts or possible scenes involve THAT word. I loathe saying the word. I do constantly battle with my brain and have done since I was a kid. I’m utterly terrified of the thought that I’d be a P, or that I ‘could’ be a P. Do I want to do things to kids? Fuck no, but my OCD plays on that, and I struggle so much. I always have to keep myself busy to stop my brain from going crazy, which in itself causes problems, such as I have struggled with sleep since I was a kid. I’ve also had problems with knowing whether I was gay or not, but honestly, I don’t overly care, it’s the other stuff that worries me. Being gay as a weird thing to get my head around, but I’d rather that than the alternative, does that make sense? I would really appreciate a reply to this, as I have an appointment on the 9th, with a psychologist, relating to OCD, and I’m scared to tell him or her stuff. I realise that I likely have PureO, as the wiki of it and other stuff I’ve read describes me perfectly since I was a kid. I’m just scared. What if? I worried about whether I’d hurt someone, too, or do something inappropriate. I once was lying with a girlfriend, and I became overwhelmed with a feeling of “what if” and was so scared I’d hurt her, or hit her, that I laid down on my hands, refusing to touch her, and couldn’t look her in the eyes. The fear was so severe I ended up crying somewhat. It was pathetic. I’m almost 27; I don’t need this crap. My dad knows pretty much everything as does my best mate, and they both are very understanding. I didn’t tell my dad much about this until a couple of years ago, but before that the whole thing was a gradually unfurling distressing secret. I used to want to be a dad, and now the thought of it usually makes me cry, because I know I can never be a dad, with my MH problems. Thanks for reading. (the age of that girl.. I really wish I knew it. I never touched her, and I never physically forced her, nor did I shout at her to do antyhign… it was like a game.. I felt like I was teaching her, just like in class with that video… still freaks me out though) Honestly, if I were a lawyer and could fathom a way to do it, I would sue the shit out fo that school, because I strongly believe they are part of the reason for my MH problems. (I also partly blame my mother, as she badly handled a lot of normal stuff when I was a kid, such as me sticking my middle finger up at my sister, and my mother decided to sit me down and tell me what that means.. I was very young.. “Do you want to stick your finger up your sister’s bum?” she said… it was confusing.
…I also spent 5+ years self harming and was very suicidal. I still sometimes get urges to SH (out of punishment.. a sense that I deserve it) or suicidal thoughts (I am better off dead, I’m so evil and sick that the world is better off without me, or that I don’t want to do any harm, so I should do something now, like kill myself, etc) which I’m trying to deal with. I’ve not SHed in over 4 years, which is awesome… or is it? By NO SH it feels like I’m ‘getting away with’ whatever “it” is, and so that makes it even worse, but I know SHing is wrong and illogical,but I feel like I need it to cope; it was also probably an addiction. I feel like such a fuck-up.
Really sorry, one more message… I used to be addicted to porn, and probably to some extent still am… I struggle to get aroused by using my imagination, because of my OCD and the thoughts that pop up, and since that’s messed up, I need something visual to distract my brain.. well.. the bigger brain. When I was a kid, likely due to me being a bit of a rebel and curious, I would watch all sorts of movies that were massively wrong for a kid to watch. I saw all sorts from rape, to violence, to pedophilia, and God only knows what else. This leads to something else… there’s a scene in a movie (I’ve become obsessive about this just today…as in.. fear) called “Kids” that I used to masturbate to when I was younger (possibly around 16 and before or thereabouts, and I found it very much arousing) and it disturbs me a lot, because just looking up on wiki about the scene just now, it says “rape” and that freaks me out…. do I find rape arousing? I really don’t know. I know I don’t WANT to go out and … you know.. I don’t.. it goes against what I believe in, and just.. it’s just wrong. Also, in the scene, there was a kid sat on the same sofa the ‘act’ took place on, and that in itself is inappropriate, but for some reason, when I was younger, that only made it more interesting, in the sense of danger of being caught… now that I’m older, I see how wrong it all is, but that makes it worse in a way, because I’m scared that it makes me some sort of sick fuck. It gets worse, because I half woke up this morning, thinking about a dream I had and became aroused, and proceeded to MB, but I suddenly found myself remembering that scene in the movie, and I didn’t stop, I carried on. Afterwards I remembered the boy was there in the scene which I had previously forgotten (whilst… MBing) and found myself repulsed and freaked out by it. Laid in bed for a while obsessing over whether I liked that she was being raped or in some way or another, or whether she wanted it, whether it was normal, whether what I did was wrong, whether I was just MBing over the dream and not the scene, and so and so forth. I will be hopefully telling my psychologist about this, because this is scaring me.. but I really need to hear from someone here who can provide a decent answer.
I should just add, that my ex was violently raped several times, and I got her to tell me about it in the hope that she would make some progress and deal with it better; hearing the stuff she told me, was very distressing and haunting, and caused me to often cry, or be angry towards those who did it. This to me, makes it sound like I don’t have a ‘thing’ for rape; even the word often makes me cringe.
With the scene and this morning, I wasn’t thinking “These kids are hot, and that kid sat on the sofa, blah blah blah” for one, it didn’t overly occur to me that they WERE kids. I know they were teens, but I can’t remember how old they or their chars were. I assume in real life they were 18+ and in the movie probably early to late teens, which in itself weirds me out. I just thought of the scenario, in a none-rape way, I guess? Ergh, my OCD. Help.
I keep twisting it.
I get this a lot with masturbation, because I obsess over what I… over, and whether it was normal, acceptable, etc. An ex of mine (also the first person I had sexual experiences with as an adult; I was 22 or so and she was 19 or so) she was… well… shaven… and it freaked me out… but I pushed past that fear (it’s not like I could tell her why) and go on with it. Now I worry… you can probably imagine the questions I ask myself: “Did I like that, because it made her look like a kid.” etc. Which is vile. I also get paranoid because my last two exes were younger than me, and infact anyone I’ve gotten involved with was younger than me. Now I specifically look for WOMEN close to my age, so as not to make me paranoid, heck even an older woman. I once met a girl online who was 16, coming on to 17. I was in a bad place at the time, having just came out of a relationship or some sort of breakdown (alienating myself from everyone, GF included) and while I didn’t like her at first (I think? – maybe I thought “what if me and her? could that work?”) feelings did follow, for both of us, and I remember specifically wanting to wait until she turned 17, because it freaked me out that she was so young. She would tell me it wasn’t that bad etc. I was I think late 23 or early 24. Thing is, she was in the US, so the laws are a bit different… to the US, I probably looked really bad, but here in the UK, not so much. Heck, my dad was with my mother when she was 16, and my dad was 22 or something.
I’m really sorry for all these messages. This is anonymous, and so I feel I can actually get this stuff down on screen. Might show my psychologist. this.
Feel like I need to SH now, because all of this crap makes me sound like a freak, or some other variant of that word. I fucking hate myself and I hate my past, and my hate what goes through my head.
I used to want to be a dad, you know, now the thought terrifies me so much that I don’t really want sex, incase I get a woman pregnant. What sort of father would I be? I’d be terrible.
Please reply; it’d mean a lot.