Homosexual OCD (HOCD) involves obsessions related to one's sexual orientation. Straight people with HOCD fear they may become gay (or are secretly gay); gay people may fear becoming straight.
Fear of Being Gay (Homosexual OCD / HOCD)
Emerging sexuality can be confusing for any teen or young adult, and gay teens face a variety of unique challenges over the course of adolescence.
In addition to learning to understand their own sexuality, gay teens must navigate complex situations and pressures that may not be relevant for straight teens. They must also deal with opinionated parents, friends, and others who sometimes hold differing views about sexuality. Anxiety, distress, and confusion are often part of this process.
This post is not about the anxiety associated with being gay or with “coming out” but instead discusses homosexual OCD (“HOCD”), an anxiety disorder that affects a small number of individuals. HOCD is not unique to teens but can occur at any age.
What is HOCD?
Homosexual OCD (“HOCD”) is a specific subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) that involves recurrent sexual obsessions and intrusive doubts about one’s sexual orientation.
Straight individuals with homosexual OCD experience obsessive fears about the possibility of being gay. Their HOCD obsessions often consist of unwanted thoughts, impulses, or images that uncontrollably pop into consciousness. To reduce the anxiety brought on by their obsessions, individuals with HOCD engage in a variety of rituals that focus on “proving their true sexuality” or reducing their perceived “vulnerability” to becoming gay.
Sexual obsessions can also affect gay men, lesbians, or bisexual individuals with OCD, who may become fearful about the possibility of becoming straight (“Straight OCD”). The common element that unites these seemingly opposite sexual obsessions is the fear of being attracted to something unwanted, taboo, or “unacceptable” based on one’s particular worldview. For the sake of simplicity, I’ll be using HOCD-centric language in this post. However, the same basic elements are directly applicable to all people with obsessive doubts about their sexual orientation.
People with HOCD worry that they might secretly be gay or might become gay, despite not questioning their sexuality in the past. Prior to the onset of HOCD, they might have had few doubts about their sexual orientation. Many people with homosexual OCD also have a history of having enjoyed heterosexual relationships in the past. It was only after the first unwanted thought “popped” that they became overly concerned about the prospect of being gay. The occurrence of this unwanted thought then causes them to question their sexual identity and reanalyze previous experiences, in light of the possibility that they might possibly be gay.
Individuals with homosexual OCD want to know “for sure” that they are not gay and often go to great lengths to prove to themselves that they are straight. However, due to the way OCD is strengthened and reinforced by rituals, these attempts ultimately backfire. The result is that some people with HOCD become extremely disabled. In order to avoid symptom triggers, it’s not uncommon for people with homosexual OCD to become depressed and drop out of school, quit their jobs, end relationships, or make other life-altering decisions that paradoxically make their symptoms worse.
In some cases, individuals with HOCD experiment with homosexual relationships or adopt gay lifestyles because of doubt about their heterosexuality. This doubt causes them to leave their current spouses/partners, “come out,” and begin to date same sex individuals. However, in contrast to lesbians and gay men who “come out” and find happiness, individuals with HOCD find their new lives distressing, confusing, and dissatisfying. Moreover, they continue to experience doubt and uncertainty about their sexuality.
HOCD Symptoms
Homosexual OCD typically has elements that parallel checking, contamination, and Pure-O OCD. Some individuals with HOCD have a predominantly checking-related variant of OCD. When around same sex individuals, they “check” their own bodies for signs of sexual arousal. Other people with homosexual obsessions have a contamination-related variant of HOCD and worry that contact with gay men, lesbians, bisexual individuals, or effeminate/androgynous people is “contagious” or may somehow “activate” their latent homosexuality. Still others worry about acting on unwanted sexual impulses. They worry that if they’re around gay people or same sex individuals that they might lose control and act out sexually. Some people with HOCD worry that other people will think they’re gay, and they spend excessive time and energy trying to “act straight.” Many people with HOCD experience all of the symptoms above.
What maintains intrusive sexual obsessions? Like any form of OCD, symptoms of HOCD are maintained by faulty beliefs, rituals, and avoidance behaviors. Faulty beliefs about sexuality and sexual orientation perpetuate fear about the possible consequences of resisting OCD-related compulsions. This is harmful because every time an unwanted thought is avoided or neutralized, it is reinforced and becomes more likely to become activated again in the future. Avoidance and rituals thus prevent the occurrence of corrective learning experiences that would ultimately cause these unwanted thoughts to decrease in frequency and intensity.
Rituals associated with homosexual OCD include mental rituals and behavioral rituals.
Homosexual OCD Mental Rituals
- Asking self, “Do I find that person attractive?” (often applied to both opposite sex and same sex individuals).
- Asking self, “Am I currently aroused?”
- Asking self, “Am I appropriately disgusted by this?” when seeing same sex couples.
- Other questions like the above that are designed to “figure out” or determine one’s sexual orientation.
- Re-analyzing previous romantic or sexual experiences to make sure that one is straight.
- Trying to convince oneself definitively of one’s sexuality.
- Reassuring self about one’s sexual orientation (“I’m definitely straight”).
- Mentally comparing self to straight people vs. gay men (or lesbians).
- Repeatedly redirecting attention away from same sex individuals to opposite sex individuals.
- Other mental rituals designed to “reset” or neutralize unwanted thoughts (e.g., mental washing rituals).
- Repeatedly telling yourself that you’re not gay.
- Trying to figure out why previous relationships failed (to make sure it wasn’t related to your partner thinking you were gay).
- Planning for and anticipating all the likely consequences of “coming out,” even though you have no desire to “come out” or have gay relationships.
- Planning how to leave your spouse or significant other (when you don’t actually want to do this).
- Neutralizing “gay thoughts” with “straight thoughts.”
- Mentally picturing opposite sex genitals or heterosexual acts to reduce anxiety about intrusive thoughts.
- Scanning the environment to identify people who might be gay.
- “Magical” rituals designed to distance oneself from unwanted thoughts (e.g., imagining oneself getting sick or vomiting when having unwanted thoughts).
- Escaping from unwanted thoughts by recalling/reviewing pleasant past sexual experiences.
- Replacing unwanted gay thoughts with violent thoughts.
HOCD Rituals & Compulsions (Behavioral)
- Checking one’s own body for physical signs of arousal (can also be a mental ritual).
- Walking in an overly masculine (if a man) or feminine (if a woman) way in order to “appear straight.”
- Interacting in a overly masculine or feminine way.
- Talking only about “appropriately” masculine or feminine topics.
- Washing rituals (hands, etc.) if one comes into contact with gay men, lesbians, or bisexual individuals.
- Watching straight pornography in order to reassure self that your’re aroused by it.
- Watching gay porn in order to “prove” that your’re disgusted by it or not aroused by it.
- Asking other people if they ever find same sex people attractive.
- Asking other “Is it normal to…?”- type questions over and over again to obtain reassurance.
- Asking other people for reassurance about your sexuality.
- Repeatedly asking ex-girlfriends/boyfriends why your relationship ended.
- Dating excessively to “prove” that one is straight and/or that one is attracted to the opposite sex.
- Compulsive masturbation to straight pornography in order to “prove” that one is attracted to the opposite sex.
- Interacting in a way that is aggressive, insulting, or disrespectful to gay people.
- In some cases, adopting a gay lifestyle because it feels like it is inevitable (due to OCD doubt). However, finding this lifestyle distressing and unwanted.
- In some cases, dating same sex individuals or engaging in homosexual acts to figure out the meaning of these experiences, but finding these activities distressing and unwanted.
Homosexual OCD Avoidance Behaviors
- Avoiding gay men, lesbians, and bisexual people.
- Avoiding things that have been touched by gay men, lesbians, or bisexual people.
- Avoiding physical contact with same sex individuals (handshaking, hugs).
- Avoiding being alone with same sex individuals.
- Avoiding conversations with same sex individuals.
- Avoiding places frequented by gay people.
- Avoiding public restrooms, locker rooms, and other situations potentially involving same sex nudity.
- Avoiding attractive same sex individuals or pictures/movies featuring attractive same sex individuals.
- Avoiding activities that aren’t stereotypically masculine (if a man) or feminine (if a woman).
- Dressing in a stereotypically masculine or feminine way (e.g., wearing pink [for men]).
- Avoiding music by gay individuals or movies featuring gay actors or characters.
- Avoiding romantic relationships and sexual activity for fear of unwanted thoughts “popping in” during sex.
- Avoiding eye contact with same sex individuals.
- When in public, trying to avoid looking at the groin, backside, or chest areas of same sex individuals.
- Avoiding masturbation due to fear about an unwanted thought occurring.
- Avoiding TV shows with gay characters or gay themes.
- Avoiding purple items, rainbows, and other symbols associated with homosexuality.
- Avoiding androgynous or flamboyant clothing.
- Manipulating your voice so that it sounds more masculine or feminine.
- Not eating in public (in case food was prepared by a gay person).
Homosexual OCD Maladaptive Beliefs
- Straight individuals shouldn’t find same sex people attractive.
- Straight people shouldn’t have any doubts about their sexuality.
- Every thought means something. I wouldn’t be having these thoughts over and over again if they weren’t meaningful.
- If I turned out to be gay, it would ruin my life.
- Straight people should only have straight thoughts. Gay people should only have gay thoughts.
- If I’m not 100% straight, it means I’m gay.
- If I have a thought that’s inconsistent with my desired orientation, it means I’ve “crossed over.”
- Sexuality can be contagious.
- Every time I feel sexually aroused, there must be a reason for it.
- Feeling sexual arousal must mean that I want to have sex with this person.
- If my current partner found out I was having these thoughts, s/he’d leave me.
- If I keep having this thought, I’m going to have to act on it eventually.
- Maybe the only way I can be free of these thoughts is to act on them.
Treatment of HOCD (Homosexual OCD)
“What if this isn’t OCD? What if I’m really gay?” These are important questions that you might wish to discuss with your therapist. If you have HOCD, doubt about your sexuality reflects an OCD-related “false alarm” that has nothing to do with your actual sexual orientation. If you are gay, your gay thoughts will be associated with pleasure rather than with fear (although you might experience anxiety about the social repercussions of “coming out”).
If you have homosexual OCD, what-if questions about sexuality are ultimately unanswerable in the way that OCD demands they be answered. In my South Florida (Palm Beach County) psychological practice, people seeking HOCD treatment are preoccupied with attempts to know the unknowable. Unfortunately, there simply is no objective way to determine your “true” sexuality. If there was a simple solution, you would’ve found it by now.
Because there is no objective way to prove your “true” sexuality to your OCD (it will always ask, “What if…?” and “How do you know for sure…?” questions), your HOCD treatment must focus on the goal of learning to live with the doubt. In other words, treatment should not focus on “proving” whether or not you are straight or gay but rather focus on providing you with better skills for tolerating the unknowable. Remember that HOCD operates just like other versions of Pure-O OCD: the more you analyze your thoughts and body to try to “figure out the truth”, the more likely you are to unknowingly reinforce your symptoms.
The best strategy for reducing your symptoms will be based on exposure and response prevention for HOCD. Exposures for HOCD are built around purposefully seeking out situations you avoid and then resisting mental and behavioral rituals. Developing a good exposure hierarchy can be confusing, so find a good HOCD therapist to guide you. Moreover, your HOCD therapist will also help you stay consistent in the goal of learning to live with uncertainty. Because you have probably spent significant amounts of time trying to prove your sexual orientation once and for all, it’s easy to fall back into this unhelpful goal.
If you’re interviewing potential therapists and one suggests that they can “cure you of your gay thoughts” or help you “know for sure that you’re straight”, consider this a red flag. That person is not an HOCD specialist. These types of promises are inconsistent with how effective HOCD treatment actually works. Although everyone with HOCD wants to get rid of their gay thoughts, thought suppression techniques will be ineffective in the long-run.
To understand why, or to read more about my general treatment approach in my South Florida (Palm Beach) psychological practice, see my posts on sexual obsessions, thought control and thought suppression. Overcoming symptoms of HOCD requires hard work, but people recover from this challenging form of OCD every day.
Questions? Comments? Living with HOCD or another sexual orientation obsession? Sound off below.
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Sexual Obsessions in OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)
Postpartum OCD – Fear of Harming Your Baby
“Pure-O” OCD: Common Obsessions & Mental Rituals
Hello doc.,
By reading your website i came aware what this desease really is. I was diagnose with ocd because i tend to wash my hands several times even if they are already clean, i lock the dor multiple times and than come back to see if its realy locked, etc.
I never told anybody what else was going on with me, many times i think i am going crazy.
I realize now that i might have other forms of ocd. This type of ocd, HOCD, is really in to me, by reading this article i revise my self in it. I also have what you call Scrupulosity and other things.
Right now what is killing me is to know if its possible to have several different obsessions at the same time, some times i think i might have schizophrenia, this is realy killing me…
Can one have multiple different obsessions at the same time?
Thank you, and Merry Christmass.
Hi Joao, it’s very common to have multiple obsessions. In fact, I think most people with OCD tend to have more than one.
it all sounded very real to what im going through right now and then the only thing im foccused in on now is this. “What if this isn’t OCD? What if I’m really gay?” im guessing that sums it up pretty good.. this is a hiddious thing to go through if its actually what im going through..
The doubt and uncertainty surrounding these symptoms can be incredibly difficult. Hang in there!
Hey doctor I need help I used to have anxiety about this but now I just have the thoughts but no anxiety how do I get rid of thoughts forever please please help
If you’re not feeling anxious, you’re certainly on the right track. You might want to read my post on unwanted thoughts, though.
I have this article favourited so that whenever I feel really bad I can read it and know that there are people out there who understand and that I am not alone
thank you 
Glad you found it helpful, G.
the article really helped me I always reread it >>thnx
Glad it’s helpful, but please don’t use it for reassurance-seeking.
Ironically doc, I use this for reassurance seeking. Every time I feel absolutely dolorous, I read this to feel better. I do feel better, it doesn’t last though.
Hello Dr. Seay,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this article.
For the past few years I thought I was going insane with the back-and-forth game my mind would play with these sorts of thoughts. I knew I had OCD, but these symptoms are newer. My old therapist only made things worse by telling me that maybe I was gay and these thoughts happened and that “we would work on that,” increasing my anxiety and avoidance issues. So now that I know this is “normal” for OCD symptoms, I can find an appropriate therapist in my area. I will definitely come back to the article any time I feel the urge to fall into my habits of avoidance.
Thanks again, you’re a lifesaver.
Thanks for reading, Brandon! Hope you’re able to make some rapid progress in your fight against OCD.
This article is the bomb!
Thank you thank you thank you!!! I have had HOCD for years now and have been aware of what it is for about 4 years. Just the awareness of it is the biggest help to me I find. Because knowing what it is helps to say to myself “Ok I do have a challenge in my life at the moment. But its not my sexual orientation, Its my OCD” I still have little spikes but its amazing to know that when I do I can pull up this article and get clarity and distinctions. There are so many things here that are exactly how I think. And that is a real comfort.
Rock on everyone. You have never lost you peace and happiness. It is still there. It will always be there.
Like the chinese say:
When the eye is unobstructed, the result is sight.
When the ear is unobstructed, the result is hearing.
When the mind is unobstructed… the result is wisdom and peace.
Much love to all and a happy new year!
Happy New year, G. Good luck in your continued recovery from OCD!
Whoever you are you’re a genius this actually works
. Slowly but surely I’m becoming my old self again.
Good for you!
I definitely had HOCD when I was a child, I showed practically every symptom you listed. But now that I’m older, I think I am lesbian, but I’m almost positive that it isn’t HOCD. I get pleasure from thinking about other women, and I have no fear of being gay. How can I tell that it isn’t just the HOCD coming back?
This doesn’t sound like HOCD. If you’re happy and you enjoy the thoughts, then you probably don’t have sexual orientation OCD.
I read that it’s highly unlikely for one with HOCD to actually turn out gay. You initially didn’t like the notion being attracted to people of the same sex so much so that that you had HOCD. And now you think you are gay, doesn’t that mean you didn’t have HOCD in the first place?
Hi Steve,
I will be going for CBT but the doctor that will be doing my treatment is in training and not experienced in my diagnosis. Is it a good idea to continue going to that doctor? Or should I ask my main pychiatrist to refer me to someone more experienced and knowledgable in this area?
Thanks so much!!
R
Hi how are you doc ? i am recently practicing abstinence because relationships have failed me in the past …. I love women and desire them emotionally, physically and sexually but only when i masturbate i sometimes have thoughts of the other sex. I cant see myself being emotional with the other sex….. Im Confused ? can u help?
Hi George, if you’re concerned about OCD, it’s probably best to have a therapist guide you. Issues relating to sexuality can be tricky, and you don’t need to go it alone.
Trainees can be excellent options in many cases. They are often knowledgeable about newer treatment approaches and their work is always supervised by a licensed professional. If it’s not a good fit, you can always be referred to another provider.
Hey, Thanks for this article. I am an 18 year old girl who has been struggling with HOCD for the past month. I’ve always been an obsessive person in everything I do, but this past month, I got the thought that even though I’ve been straight my whole life, “What if I’m bisexual” This thought has been coming and going in my mind and I litterally obsess over it. Every time I see a girl, even if it’s like an old lady or a child, I get so anxious and and always check to see if I get aroused. To me, these thoughts are absolutely distrubing and I couldn’t imagine wanting to do anything with a girl or liking a girl, but I think the fact that I kept obsessiving over it makes my body/hormones aroused. I found myself falling into the majority of the symtoms listed above…would you say that these symptoms are just HOCD and normal for the disease? I even started to isolate myself but will try to get over this by changing my mindset so I can be my happy self again! any suggestions?
Hello do you give online sessions?
Always been straight all my life untill someone said am i gay and ive been thinking and asking myself how do i know im not gay and started to get really depressed about it. I know start looking at males thinking are they attarctive and i can tell when they are but would
Never have a relationship with a boy or have any sort of sexual contact with one. Need
Help getting really distressed about this and the thoughts always pop up first thing in the morning. Is this HCOD seems
To be on my mind 24/7 and its killing
Me! Is this HCOD?
Doctor i have a question, how can you tell if its HOCD or just denying you’re gay? I think HOCD play tricks on us and make us believe we’re gay and we’re just not dealing with it, it’s killing me. I never had sexual desires with a guy or things like that, it makes me ask myself if all of the relationships i had before were fake, im really anxious about it. Hope you can answer my question, thank you!
One time i was in the shower and masturbated to women and i climaxed then failed. But then i fantasized about men and i felt like i was about to ejaculate. But i never got an erection from men. Only from women. Am i gay?
One time i was in the shower and masturbated to women and i climaxed then failed. But then i fantasized about men and i felt like i was about to ejaculate. But i never got an erection from men. Only from women. Am i gay? Or am i just worrying too much? Btw i have a gf and thats adding to the worry.
Hi Doc – I have a good idea I suffer from this awful thing. I discovered this link when I was surfing the Net for a possible reason why I don’t have any sensations whatsoever anymore when I ejaculate. Arousal is no problem. What do you think? I’m 49 and really never had this problem before!
Dear Doctor, I have expressed many of the symptoms above, but I have a question. I’m a 20-year old male who has always had crushes on girls, the thought of being with one make me incredibly happy. I only get erections by women and the thought of being with a man makes me feel disgusted (I’m not against homosexuality). Anyway, I’ve always had OCD symptoms, I’ve been afraid of germs, illogical hypotheticals, and unwanted thoughts. But unlike the other HOCD experiences I’m reading about, mine has been there ever since the age of 10. I’d see a guy that I might think was “good looking” and I’d fixate on him for days, weeks, maybe even months. They felt like crushes, but they didn’t feel the same as the ones I had with girls. When I had a crush on a girl, the thought of being with them made me extremely happy. Additionally, what differed from these male “crushes” and my crushes on girls is that 1. They have never made me pleased only EXTREMELY ANXIOUS 2. I’d spend more time thinking about the notion of “this means I’m gay,” than the person themselves. I keep asking myself how did I even choose the guys I fixate on, does this mean I’m gay? I must think he’s extremely hot! But whenever I try to accept my gayness/bisexuality, I test myself with masturbation and I never succeed in ejaculation thinking about men. I’ve been on and off with these questions for 10 years, but I recently got my first girlfriend, and my anxiety has been at an all time high because I’m thinking “what if I’m one of those closeted bisexual people that is lying to this great girl?” I love her so much, and I get turned on by her, but these thoughts keep coming back – these “fake” crushes on men. I’ve realized that my attraction to women is legitimate, but I’m now worried about bisexuality. Does this sound like bisexuality, am I repressing my attraction towards men? Please, this is the first time I’m actually confessing to someone about this. Does this sound like OCD or am I just utilizing it as a scapegoat to deny my homo/bisexuality?
Dear doctor i had those symptoms also i always had crushes on girls and had sex with girls and enjoyed it very much but one time i saw trans porn and now i keep thinking do i find guys cute? am i gay? fear of never like/loveing a girl again scares the shit out of me, i looked at gay porn to see if it would turn me on but no then i go to stright porn and yes it does but i keep thinking all this gay stuff. its been around 2 months now. i ask the “what ifs”.. i have never in my life liked a guy or seen a guy in any sexuall or romantic way. im scared to go out and look at a guy and think oh hes cute or something. and now i kind of lost all my sex drive.
Don’t worry about it , it’s Ok.
Thank you so much for this article.
I have been struggling with this for years since the thought “popped” when I was a teen. It is difficult to ask others if they also feel this way. It became a loop of anxiety because I kept asking myself why am I asking myself these questions and why am I so aware of these things. I tried to suppress it and rationalise it but I think now I am going to try the response prevention technique. Thanks so much, you really made me feel more at peace. I was worried I would find a “if you question your sexuality, you’re gay.” Thank you very much for posting this.
Glad you found the article helpful, Rob. Try response prevention, and see if it helps you get a better handle on your symptoms.
I am beating my ocd when I was a kid I had a bad game of truth or dare after doing mushrooms and smokeing weed I started to shut down and have panic attacks becauseid have intrusive thoughts no images and I’d ask myself questions on questions in my head until I’d have a mental breakdown and throw up I’m not attracted to the same sex I never have been I love women I’m attracted to women I’m good at getting women but my brain just has triggers that send me into a panic. I have beaten it simple by knowing who I am your brain will try to ask u questions u can ever fully answer unless you know yourself if fear of turning gay makes u scared makes u sick and makes you puke. Just remember its all in ur head. I love my gf and she’s all I need. I know who I am and you guys know who you are don’t let these thoughts and ocd rob you of your piece of mind. Just remember garbage in garbage out. Porn and weed and shrooms mixed with a past mistake can try to ruin you stay strong and know that these thoughts can only afffect you if u let them remember alot of ppl have terrible thoughts the difference is most don’t fixate on them stop giving them power and you’ll be fine be confident in who u are. I had no therapy
I have HOCD since 2008 but some topics of article triggered me.
I am 15 and in despair, I am currently in an out patient program at a very credible place. I have been seeing a psychologist since the age of 6 and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I have been told I have OCD and i believe that I do sometimes but then I always reanalyze or say I dont think this is OCD. I have question my sexual orientation only once or twice before but recently really have been struggling. I always thought I was straight and had crushes on people of the opposite sex and enjoyed it. I always search people in crowded places to see if I am attracted to them or go on-line to take quizzes and read articles about “When did you know that you were a lesbian”. Before all of the questioning I never wanted to kiss or date any of my friends of the same sex. I notice that some girls are attractive but then all these thoughts come into my head and have a panic attack. I feel like I have so many questions but I am afraid to ask because I am afraid that my psychologist will say that I am seeking reassurance.
Hi, I have been seeing a psychologist for a few months after some problems that i had. At first she said i had depression and anxiety but i wasn’t sure and felt it was much deeper. I wrote down a long list of feelings and thoughts that were unwanted and mainly of a sexual nature and i have gone back to her and she has said that it appears that i have OCD tendencies. A lot of the thoughts are sexual based and i do tend to check a lot of things such as windows, doors and put things in piles and in order and also wash my hands a lot,With regards to the sexual thoughts I am concerned how people perceive me and worry if people think i act in a homosexual way or homosexual manor, i try to avoid awkward situations where i am around males in groups. I have always been heterosexual and never looked at males in that way, this only started after myself, my partner and a male friend were having a drink and for some unknown reason he kissed me on the lips in front of my partner. I naturally recoiled and said what are you doing but he didn’t answer. Ever since i haven’t been able to let it go. Not because i had feeling , i just cant seem to dismiss it, it drives me mad. This carried on for a period of months without my partner knowing and in the end i went onto a chat site to speak to someone that was homosexual thinking that i would feel uneasy and dismiss it. This only seemed to make it worse and to cut a long story short i arranged to meet him because the thoughts in my head kept getting harder to dismiss. while i was with him i knew it didn’t feel right but the thoughts in my head started again, (if I’m not homosexual then why did my friend kiss me, why cant i dismiss it, why did i talk to this other person and why am i here) i couldn’t seem to see the steps i took only what was in front of me with no logical explanation as to why i was there. When i got back home my partner found some of the messages of the person i was talking to and we split up. I have since tried to explain to her and she has been very supportive and attended my psychologist appointments with me. she has tried very hard to understand all of this but she needs some help to and i wondered if there was any help for partners of HOCD or OCD sufferers if of course that is what i have got. I would appreciate any reply as this has caused a lot of upset and we all just want to figure things out. Thank you for any help in advance.
I forgot to mention that i am 29 years old, i’m not sure if this would help you to determine whether it is HOCD or not. Thank you. Richard
Hey doctor, I’ve recently started having thoughts about everything. I have anxiety from time to time and Im taking nursing classes and since then I have been seeing everything a bit differently. I;ve never had a boyfriend or anything and im a junior in high school.I still like guys and i dont find girls attractive, but Im still having thoughts and Im Terrified! I dont know what to do! I cant go to a therapist or anything and I will have random panic attacks over this stuff… What do I do?
Hello, I’m adam and I’m a 15 year old teen. I’m very confused as I don’t know if I have hocd or if I am actually gay? Here’s my story, I’ve had straight relationships my hole life! I’ve had many girlfriends and I’ve had sex with girls, but never guys, I was going out with my current girlfriend for 9 months, but then we broke up, yes I was upset, then 4 months after we broke up, I was doing my mock JC course, and out of nowhere, I started to think I was gay. My biggest fear is becoming gay though ( non-homophobic ). At first I didn’t know what it was and I had cried over this to my bestfriend ( who is a girl if that means anything ). She couldn’t believe it. She even said ‘you don’t seem like the type of guy to turn out gay, you love girls ‘. I did plenty of research trying to find the answer! Finally I found it! I found hocd! When I read about it I felt totaly relieved and thought I can’t be gay, but then the thoughts kept coming, I would often ask myself if I was, or I would look at a lad and ask myself if he is attractive, but most embarrassingly, when masterbaiting, gay thoughts would come in and I would panic. It has been happening to me for the past 2 months, but I’m this time, I have being going back out with my ex girlfriend, I thought this might stop how I feel, but it made it worse! Yes I find her attractive, and I have feelings for her, but I still get really bad thoughts! Even when I look at hot celebrities that 6 months ago I would of found hot (e.g rihanna, beyonce etc.), I now don’t find them hot! I am very confused and really stressed out! It seems crazy that I’m stressed out at 15 but it’s true! Please somebody help!
Thanks,
Adam.
I do believe that this HOCD. I always have seen women attractive and masturbated to lesbian and straight port (
) but i was looking at some transsexual porn and thought i was when i wasn’t. I ask myself am i aroused? I turn my head when i see gay guys or guys perod ( Cept for friends) i have unwanted thoughts that keep popping up out of nowhere. I know im not but i hate it and dnt know how to get rid of it. Its usually just what ifs. Any advice doc?
Is it possible for one with HOCD to loose sex-drive briefly? That is kinda normal right?
I’m constantly asking myself if I’m REALLY attracted to my boyfriend (he’s my first and only partner and I must admit I never had the urge to rip his clothes off right this second – I do enjoy sex with him, though, or did before I started questioning my orientation). I do think that women are more beautiful than men and that I could enjoy sex with women, but I also notice that I tend to confuse aesthetic attraction with sexual attraction (since I find it so hard to figure out what sexual attraction actually IS), which might explain part of my doubts. I’ve only ever had crushes/have fallen in love with guys, even when I was a little girl. So what does this sound like? Closet lesbian? Bisexual? Asexual (since I can’t figure out what sexual attraction is and if I’ve ever experienced it – also, my sex drive is quite low) who’s into guys romantically? I feel like I shouldn’t even need those labels, but unfortunately I’m just so confused right now …
hi i have had hocd for 8 years now.first it started off with thaughts and then it turned in to fantasys and it gave me a erection and i started masturbating on it.i can not imagen being with a bloke but everything in my life i see as gay i cant let it go.i use todate and bed girls intill the gay obsession came.imso scared at the moment that i hyperventilate.please can you give me some advise?
Hi Dr,
First of all, sorry for my English. I hope I can get an answer anyway!
My story is basically like all the others. I am 21 years old and have been with my girlfriend for 2,5 years, and I have struggled with these thoughts since 7-8 months back. My girlfriend made a joke on me about me being gay or bisexual, and this made me started to thinking and worrying about this.
I started to check myself and questioned my behaviour.. Am I aroused by this? Have I ever been? How am I talking? My clothes? Everything! Recently I’ve also had Dreams about this, I can be chased about naked guys, or seeing naked guys and be afraid that I would get aroused. But tonight i was dreaming that a guy gave me an oral, I don’t know how I felt in the dream, physically it felt good, but I woke up with the worst anxiety ever. Is this it? Am I really gay/bi? I have usually been pleased with how I sleep, No gay Dreams, only abot my issues (being afraid of homosexuality), As if I’m about to evolve into something I do not want to be. Is this a proof that I like guys?
I really hate myself for this. I don’t want to be gay or bi, I want to be with my girlfriend, I can’t see myself being with a guy.
I have been at two different psychologists, the first one said that I was confused and told me to calm down, and the second (my currently) says it could be HOCD, but that you can never be sure. I am now in the middle of a CBT therapy. But it is something that not feels right, I am starting to doubt that it is HOCD, and that I might be developing bisexuality. [u]Why[/u]? I really don’t know, I have get used to thougts about having sex with men so I don’t know how to react to them. But I know for sure that I want to be with my girlfriend.
My Life is a living hell, what is happening to me?
I have some questions (feel free to answer) for you that would help me.
Is it common to having Dreams about sexuality/your fears about HOCD?
Is it normal to dream about their OCD-problems? If I dream that I’m excited, it means that I’m excited in reality?
Is it strange that I doubt that it is HOCD?
Is it common with false attraction to friends? Sometimes I think that I would be in love with any of them, because we hang out so often.
Is it common with loss of attraction to Girls and that I find it hard to enjoy sex for the moment?
I would be thankful for answers!
Best regards,
Simon
Hi im 15 years old and im feeling all of these symptoms and i dont know who too talk too i have un diagnosed forms of OCD for example if have to have everything 90 degrees to the edges in my room for example an ornament on my desk etc. or at an angle and before i have worked myself up to complete tears unable to stop because my cousins were in my toom play fighting and it was getting untidy eg. And now this and i dont feel comfortable speaking to my parents about any of these and i feel alone…
Doctor please help me. I am 16 yrs old and I think I have hocd. It all started at 4 months ago. My mom got a job at a place and she had a boss who was homosexual. My mom is REALLY into zodiac signs and uses this constantly.Her boss is a taurus and I’m a gemini. She would constantly say you’re so girly like him or you act just like someone else. Or if I thought i had bad breath and she would tell me i’d do the same thing he’d do and retreat into the bathroom while panicking. I also have a gay uncle who I don’t like not because hes gay but because he is mean to my mother when they were best friends when growing up now all of a sudden he hates her. Once this happened I was terrified and I mean terrified i would take tests online to see if I were gay, watch coming out stories and masturbate to straight porn to prove i was straight and watch gay porn to prove I wasn’t turned on. I have homosexual acquaintances and I have no problem with them. I would defend homosexuals in arguments saying no one should be picked on. I was homophobic as a kid but more or less like what if he hits on me or anything (I was 11). Once I turned 14 I thought that i was a douche for saying gay when I meant stupid. Look these thoughts interfere with everything I do, talking to girls, playing video games, watching movies and eating (gogurt equals phallic symbol).I don’t want to be gay but I would sign a gay rights act and defend a gay kid from bullies in high school. I never wanted to date anyone until I met one girl in high school. We went to the movies her and a friend of mine I sat next to her and was so happy. I wanted to tell her how I felt so I did it and she didn’t feel the same. I felt depressed all summer I wanted to cry but I never did it. When she finally started talking to me again I felt like I was over her until I saw her up close then I felt depressed again. And saying why do you do this to me? Look please Doctor tell me what I can do I really need help.
I was a constant porn watcher too and I enjoyed straight/ lesbian porn even putting family and friends in sexual situations with me (all women). I’d watch gay porn to show myself I wasn’t attracted and that would work for about 30 minutes. I saw Sitter the movie and when Slater came out I noticed I behaved like how he did before he came out (except for feeling sad when one of my friends didn’t want to be friends anymore). I always wanted everyone to like me so obviously losing friends made me feel sad.
ok i get it i have hocd and i may never be able to stop the gay thoughts.. they are bothering and get me down.
how does someone who is cured of hocd act …
can they talk to women and be attracted to them.. at the moment i am completley un aroused by any women…. does this come back? or am i to wonder the earth unsure and unbothered bby this to live as a hermit who is only attracted to my work… i used to be such a sexual being.
is this gone forever.
i also have bi polar. i had hocd for a couple of years before i had a manic bipolar episode and fuck me hocd is a walk in the park…. A WALK IN THE PARK compared to bipolar..
Thanks for the article Dr Steven. ive been having these kinds of obsessions that i might be gay for a while now. it started around 5 years ago and with therapy and zoloft i got way better. i quit the zoloft like a year ago and now the thoughts are back. thing is this time i decided in my head to try to embrace the fact that im gay if its true, rather than just run from it. so in my attempts to find out if im actually gay, i started fantasizing (on purpose) about making out with girls rather than guys, and the fantasy actually turned me on. i also started watching lesbian movies excessively in an effort to de-sensitize myself to the whole idea and prevent the bad reaction (by seeing how perfectly normal and natural thing it is). this has been going for the last month. since then ive had like a couple gay dream. that coupled with the fact that i was actually turned on by fantasizing about girls (and reaching orgasm) is making me think that i might in fact be a lesbian. what do you think? is it possible for straight people to dream about same sex intercourse and be turned on by same sex fantasies?
i realize that you must get all kinds of stupid questions all the time but i would really really appreciate it if you could answer mine.
thanks again
I’m a 14 year old guy that has always dated girls,made out with them, looked at them in sexually arousing ways… but i all of a sudden got a thought saying ‘what if im gay?’ i feared this thought for months. then my thoughts were changing around.. i had questions such as
-am i gay?
-do i want to be gay?
-am i gay because i experimented when i was younger?
as i started to take medicine the worry got less intense. but this made another worry pop up.. ‘ since im not worrying about being gay, what if i am gay?’
I always look for reasurrance from family that im not gay, but it’s so hard n to believe them! it bugs me all day every day. i have had other worries such as what if i go to hell, and what if i get an f in school..
i just wanted to see if you thought i have homosexuality ocd…so do i?
Ronnie, I’m a 17 year old in the same situation as you. I firmly believe that if you’re worrying about being gay, you probably aren’t. This has been my personal experience.
Anyway, for Dr. Seay, here’s my story; I’d love it if you could tell me if this is HOCD, because it seems like it is.
‘m a 17 year old male, about to be 18. My entire life, I’ve liked girls. All I’ve dated is girls, and all I’ve wanted is girls. Sure, I’ve had an occasional gay fantasy, but that’s not exactly uncommon. Anyway, since about Christmas, I’ve been worried that I’m gay. Usually, I take one of the psychological sexual orientation tests and try to answer it honestly. Most of them report what I think-I’m straight. Anyway, I started watching gay porn, and immediately began to be terrified that I was gay. It’s really bad sometimes; I can’t focus on anything else outside of wondering if I’m gay. So now it’s morphing into some form of anxiety around other guys, in many cases, my friends and family. Regardless, I’m confused as hell right now. I have no idea what I am. I feel like I’m not gay, and I’m just terrified of the remote possibility. I also feel as though I’m not bisexual. I really have no desire for other men. Sure, I can acknowledge that some of them are attractive. I have trouble selecting the MOST attractive one out of a group or anything like that. However, I don’t have any emotional attraction to men, outside of the whole “this guy is like my brother.”
I really don’t think I’m gay, but I’m concerned that this might be HOCD. I read an article on it just now, and it seems like I exhibit a number of the symptoms (i.e. retching when I see gay males kissing or whatever).
Hi,doc
i am 17 year old male…..i live in japan…during my whole life i never had any
thought about homosexuality or any fear…but i did had some OCD symptoms like closing doors and washing hands…but few months a ago i accidently click on this gay porn side…..although i was disgusted by it and i close it but before that i was watching some girl porn and i had erection so certain thought started coming in my head that did i like the gay porn ….and why did my erection did not turn off by the gay porn…i never like a boy/man i never fantise about them never,never…. but it just than a thought came to my head that i like masturbation with my hand that hand is of a guy…so it gave me pleasure so what if the others male body gave me pleasure and i might like the gay sex but this thought terrifies me and i keep fighting it i really don’t like man i have not emotionally attraction to them,i have a number of crushes on girls,and i have many ex and recent girlfriends but i have this fear that i might be homo sexual which i am not i have been hit on by many gay man i was so grossed out back then back this things keep haunting me plss help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this HOCD is really ruining my life and seeing people here who are suffering from it for years is making me more nerverous and i am worried that i might give my hetro style and become gay
and i have a question that is really worring me that what if i enjoy having sex with a man just out criusotiy i guess but this thought gross me out even when i think about touching a man it creeps me and i fell like vomiting it is really destroying my life
Hi
I am a 14 year old guy and i am worried and completely confused about my sexuality. When i was six i remeber having crushes on girls, rigt throught to when i was 13. These girl crushes meant a lot to me. I really did enjoy them and i have always wanted to be with a girl when i grow up- i get on really well with them and i still fund gurls attractive and pretty. However, about a year ago i begun to watch porn. I watched straight porn and became kinda jeaois of the guys with the big dicks!
I never watched gay porn and the idea of homosexuality never occured to me. I just felt turned on by these guys and looking back on it i think i didnt even notice the girls in the film.
This tears me up in side knowing that i jacked off to gay fantasies for a year, although i never ever would want to try them for real. These fantasies were often extremely kinky and they were really odd- it never iccurred to me at the time that these thoughts might be gay- i was wanking to guys whilst in real life i was flirting with fit girls and i am currently in a crush right now ??!!
I am just so confused by all this- it started by this gay guy at school calling me gay and i have been intensly depressed for months. I know i dont want to be in a gay lifestyle and love a man but i feel it is inevitable. I am terrified and i have never ever come across anything quite this difficult in my life before. I am not anxious about coming out or about what people will think if i am gay- i am just so shocked that i hav spent my whole life feeling straight and emotionally loving women and now it feels as if i am gay and i cant do anything about it.
I hate having to check out guysall the time abd having to ceck out girls all the time for reassurance. I am also terrifyed that i am sub contioualy gay and that i have bben for my entire life- i feel like this is gay realisation- i am completely freaked out unsure and scared.
I love girls emotionally and the only real person who can make me forget about hocd is my girlfriend
I feel so happy when i am wig her
I would love to be in a meaningful relatioship in my life with a beautiful girl i love- i really do
But this gay feelig makes me feel like i dont want to
Sadly i hav been attracted to guys in the past ( i jerked off about my best friend once) but i never considered myself gay or that i would like o do it in real life. I dont mind gay people but i would never want to be in a relationship with a guy and those gay fantasies were nothing more than fantasies. However, now i feel as though they were really real, evern though i hav no wish to do them in real life
I hav a damaged home life and a bully for a brother who is very insecure and picks on me. I long to be with a hot girl but feel i cant!
I have had ocd in the past, (i had to lock and open doors multiple times and became anorexic) and i really do think ( and want to be straight).
Please help
Hey dr. I’ve been going through all of this and one thing I’ve struggled with was that I seem to have lost my excitement for women before I would jump at the chance to be with a hot girl now I feel like I can’t get excited. I’ve had no problems staying hard during sex but unwanted images come into play is this normal for some with this condition. I’m seeking professional help at the moment and it is helping but I just still have many unanswered questions and it freaks me out?